


Broken Hearts Mended

by penguingal, Schnaucl (Onetrackmind)



Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Incest, M/M, comment porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-01
Updated: 2008-06-01
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:41:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguingal/pseuds/penguingal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onetrackmind/pseuds/Schnaucl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie has feelings for Don.  When a case becomes dangerous, Don assigned Colby to guard his brother.  Charlie starts dating Colby and then things get complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Charlie watched the steaks cooking on the grill outside, carefully ensuring that they didn't burn. He was tired of Don making fun of his cooking, and was absolutely determined to get it right this time. Focused as he was on his task, he didn't hear Don wander into the yard.  
  
"Hey, buddy," Don said, a warm hand landing on his shoulder.  
  
Jumping, Charlie whirled on him. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"  
  
Instead of taking his hand away, Don slid it up his neck affectionately. "Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you."  
  
"Well you did," Charlie said, taking a deep breath and trying to ignore the way the warmth from Don's hand spread down through his body.  
  
Don grinned one of his huge, teeth-baring smiles. "Dinner almost ready?"  
  
"Yeah, should be another ten minutes or so. Why don't you go grab the beer?"  
  
"Sure thing." Don gave Charlie's neck one last squeeze and then headed back in the direction of the kitchen.  
  
Fighting to get his body's reaction back under control, and simultaneously missing the feel of his brother's hand on his body, Charlie took a deep breath and returned to staring at the steaks while they cooked.  
  
This wasn't good. It was insane. Don was--Don. And even if Don wasn't his brother, he was straight and the kind of girls he liked didn't have Charlie's personality. Yet, no matter many times he went over the reasons that this was a bad idea, not to mention a crazy one, his stomach still did that slow flip whenever Don smiled at him or touched him. He couldn't seem to persuade his body otherwise. And it was getting worse. Maybe it was time to do something drastic. There were medications that decreased the sex drive. He poked listlessly at the meat on the grill.  
  
He nearly jumped again when something cold was pressed to his arm, but he caught himself just in time. With half a smile, he accepted the beer bottle from Don.  
  
"You okay, Charlie? You've been moodier than normal," Don asked. It was hard not to notice that Charlie was drifting off in the middle of conversations and there was an almost permanent frown on his face now.  
  
Charlie snorted. "Moodier than normal? Thanks."  
  
"I'm sorry, buddy," Don chuckled, "but you have to admit there's a certain brooding air about you when you're deep in the math. This is different." His hand found Charlie's shoulder again. "You know you can talk to me about anything. Is it Amita?"  
  
Charlie took a breath, fighting the urge to tremble, and trying very hard to ignore the warmth of Don's hand and his proximity. "Everything's fine, Don. Amita is fine. I'm fine."  
  
Skeptical, Don still nodded and dropped his hand. "Okay, if you say so. The offer to talk still stands, though. Come on," he said, picking up the platter for the steaks, "those look done and I'm starving."  
  
"You're always starving," Charlie said, relieved to have deflected the attention. "You should try putting actual food in your apartment."  
  
"Why should I do that when I can come here and have my little brother cook for me?" Don said, ruffling Charlie's hair. He could feel Charlie pout behind him as he made his way back into the house. The three of them tucked into the meal, and as Alan served the meat, Don got Charlie's attention.  
  
"By the way, if you have some free time tomorrow, we could use your help with something," he said, shoving the first forkful of food into his mouth.  
  
"Sure. I can probably rearrange a few things."  
  
"Thanks, Chuck," Don said with a grin. He knew he could always count on Charlie to be there for him. In fact, he couldn't exactly recall a time Charlie had ever said no to him, and deep down he knew that should worry him. He kept to himself that the case had to do with gang shootings again. He didn't want his dad to worry or for Charlie to get a head start on brooding over something he couldn't change.  
  
"Any time." At least his momentary inattentiveness hadn't adversely affected dinner.  
  
They talked easily while they ate, and afterwards Don and Alan cleared while Charlie disappeared into the garage to get some work done. He lost track of how long he'd been in there when Don finally wandered back in again.  
  
"Dad says not to forget to go to bed at some point tonight."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
Don grabbed Charlie around the shoulders. "Remember to sleep," he said directly into Charlie's ear in some strange attempt to get the message to filter to his brain.  
  
Charlie blinked. "I sleep. Sometimes. Really, I won't be up that late, I don't think."  
  
Don chose to ignore the atrocious grammar. "Unless you get an idea."  
  
"Well, yeah," Charlie said, giving Don his best 'my brother's an idiot but I love him anyway--mostly' look. "Don't worry, I'll be there tomorrow."  
  
"I know you will. You haven't let me down yet," Don said, his voice warm and affectionate. It was his way of letting Charlie know that he did appreciate the sacrifices he made to work with him. He smiled broadly and made his way out. "See you tomorrow, Chuck."  
  
"Sure thing, _Donald_."  
  
Don gave him a little salute and a grin and then he was gone, leaving Charlie alone in the garage with his boards. He let out a sigh of relief and tried not to shudder at the sudden emptiness of the garage without Don in it. Scowling at himself, he dove even deeper inside his comfortable cocoon of math.  
  
....  
  
"Are you sure we should be bringing Charlie in on this?" Megan said, chewing on the end of her pen as they sat waiting for him in the conference room. "These gangs have never had any problem targeting law enforcement officers before."  
  
"Charlie's not law enforcement," Don replied automatically.  
  
Megan tossed down her pen. "Exactly! Don, if they don't hesitate to come after people with guns and badges, what makes you think they'll make an exception for a genius mathematician?"  
  
Don looked up and met Megan's gaze. "I'll protect him. I always do."  
  
Charlie cleared his throat. The tension in the room was so thick even he couldn't fail to recognize it. "I can come back if this a bad time."  
  
"Not at all, buddy," Don said before Megan could speak. "Come on in." He caught David and Colby's eyes across the bullpen and motioned them in as well so they could all brief Charlie with the information he'd need.  
  
He did the briefing as succinctly as possible, and when he was done, he watched as Charlie already started scribbling down symbols and abbreviations he couldn't hope to understand. Megan lingered in one corner of the conference room, staring pointedly at Don.  
  
"Listen, Charlie," Don said, sitting on the edge of the table. "I should tell you, these guys... they don't play nice. I'd like to give you some extra protection."  
  
"Do you think there's a chance they'd come after me? What about Dad? Are you giving him protection?"  
  
"I'm going to put an agent on the house and assign one to you specifically. This is just a precaution, Charlie. I think you're just fine." He put his hand on Charlie's shoulder. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."  
  
"Okay." He was a little worried, but it wasn't like they hadn't been in this position before. It seemed like he spent half his time with an agent playing babysitter. "Anyone I know?"  
  
"You okay with having Colby hang around?" Don asked, getting Colby's attention before Charlie could even really respond.  
  
Charlie strangled the urge to roll his eyes. "Think you should be asking him that question."  
  
Don ignored him. "Colby, I'd like you to stick to Charlie while we're working this case, okay? I don't want to take any chances."  
  
"Sure thing, Don," Colby said. "I'll do my best to stay out of your way, Charlie."  
  
"I'm sure you will. You want to drive, or shall I?"  
  
Colby exchanged a look with Don, and Don shook his head almost imperceptibly. "I'll drive," Colby replied. "Just for maximum security."  
  
"I'm going to assume that's not a crack about my driving."  
  
Colby grinned. "Not at all."  
  
"You sticking around here for awhile or do you need to take off?" Don interjected, cutting off the banter.  
  
"I can work here for a couple hours, but I have a night seminar to teach."  
  
Don nodded. "Just let Colby know when you need to leave." And he turned on his heel, leaving the room.  
  
"Is it me or is Don a little stressed?" Charlie asked, settling into the conference room.  
  
"It's not just you," Colby said, glancing at Don's retreating back. He knew it was because the danger level on this job was higher than normal, but he was careful of not wanting to scare Charlie needlessly. "Gang violence is a sore subject for him."  
  
Charlie snorted. "Tell me about it."  
  
Patting Charlie on the shoulder, Colby said, "I'll just be at my desk when you're ready to go."  
  
Charlie nodded his thanks and then focused on the work at hand, moving from paper to white board and back. He tried to let the math take over, drown out the fact that Don was just a few feet away from him, behind the glass wall, a task made more difficult by the fact that Don was dressed down today in tight blue jeans and a dark t-shirt. Maybe working at the FBI office hadn't been such a hot idea after all.  
  
After a while he was forced to admit that Don's presence was jut too distracting. He sought out Colby, who was buried in his own stack of files. "Whenever you're ready."  
  
Nodding, Colby pulled his gun out from where he kept it in his desk and checked the clip before sliding it into his holster. He slipped his jacket on and waved at Don as they walked by.  
  
"Be careful," Don said, more to Colby than Charlie. If something happened to Charlie on Colby's watch, god help him...  
  
"We'll be fine, Don," Colby promised.  
  
Charlie offered a small wave.  
  
When they got to the garage, Charlie started to head for his car.  
  
"We'll take mine," Colby said.  
  
"What? C'mon, man."  
  
"You know the drill. Your car can't accelerate fast enough. What's good for the environment isn't so good for a fast getaway."  
  
"Then how am I going to--never mind. Let me guess. You'll be playing chauffeur."  
  
Colby just grinned. "Besides, I always look ridiculous behind the wheel of your car."  
  
Charlie just rolled his eyes and tried to settle in the passenger side of Colby's SUV. There was no use getting annoyed with the protection this early in the game. He felt like he should be flattered that Don was so protective, but it still made him feel like a 13-year-old pest more than anything.  
  
….  
  
Class that night and indeed everything for the next two days went smoothly. Mostly. Don became increasingly agitated the longer it took Charlie to come up with a solution. Charlie took to avoiding him whenever possible.  
  
Colby was watching the activity out of the windows as the classes changed in the afternoon while Charlie worked away in his office. Charlie had reached an impasse and was currently staring at his boards, waiting for the math to speak to him when he was jarred by the sound of Colby's phone ringing.  
  
Glancing back at Charlie, he pulled the phone out of his jacket. "Hey, Don."  
  
Charlie made frantic 'I'm not here' motions. Avoiding Don was, for once, less about inappropriate attraction and more about avoiding a disgruntled FBI agent who occasionally seemed to feel if he just harangued Charlie enough he could magically pull the solution out of the air.  
  
Colby dropped Charlie a quick wink. "Charlie's fine. He's working hard. I'm right here in his office while he works. He's in something of a groove right now, so I don't think--Don, if I interrupt him..."  
  
Charlie took advantage of Colby's occupation to slip out of the room. He just needed some air. He wasn't going far, just to the front steps. There were lots of people around, and he'd be back before Don was done harassing Colby to talk to him. He just needed to be alone, clear his head for a moment. Pushing the doors open, he took a deep breath and let the sun shine on his face.  
  
Colby finally managed to get Don off the phone, and it wasn't until he turned to apologize to Charlie that he realized he was gone. "Fuck," he swore under his breath. "Don't wander off. That's rule one, Charlie." He set off looking for him, fairly sure that he'd find him nearby. A scream to his left caught his attention and he took off in the direction of the building's front doors.  
  
The first thing he saw was Charlie's leg crumpled awkwardly under him as he lay in the building's vestibule with two men kicking and punching him. Colby didn't hesitate. He pulled out his gun, shouting, "FBI!"  
  
The two men startled. The first ducked behind an unsuspecting student who was wandering in. The second wasn't so lucky and had to run out in the open. Colby took his shot, wounding him in the leg and bringing him down. He rushed over, securing the suspect and glancing up, seeing the first halfway through the courtyard already. To his left, Charlie lay motionless and bleeding from his mouth and nose.  
  
"Shit," he swore, pulling his phone out and dialing emergency services. He did a quick triage as he spoke to the dispatcher. Charlie's pulse was steady, and he groaned when Colby applied light pressure to his arm and torso. "Shh, don't try to move. An ambulance is on the way."  
  
It seemed to take an incredibly long time to focus enough to try and force the words past his lips. "Sorry. Don's gonna be pissed."  
  
It took Colby a while to decipher what Charlie was trying to say. His words were slurring dangerously.  
  
"Let me worry about that," Colby said once he figured it out. "Don't try to talk, just stay still." He continued his triage as best as he could while anxiously keeping an ear out for the sound of approaching sirens.  
  
"C'mon man! I'm bleeding to death over here!" complained the handcuffed suspect.  
  
"You'll be just fine," Colby replied. The leg of the suspect's jeans were just barely starting to go dark red. He pulled his belt off and took a handkerchief out of his pocket, strapping it in place over the wound to staunch the bleeding.  
  
"Colby..." Charlie said, a note of panic in his voice.  
  
"I'm right here," Colby assured him, breathing a sigh of relief as he could hear the sirens at last. "You're going to be okay. I've got you."  
  
Charlie let his eyes close until Colby said his name sharply. "Charlie? Charlie, you need to stay with me, man."  
  
"Tired," Charlie murmured. "Hurts to breathe. 'M sorry. Sh-shouldn't have..."  
  
Colby stroked Charlie's hair gently, blood from a scalp laceration soaking his curls. "Shush. Don't talk."  
  
Two sets of EMTs burst in through the doors, one set heading straight to Charlie and one to the suspect. They got him up off the floor and tended to right away as the other two got Charlie onto a stretcher.  
  
"He said that it hurts to breathe," Colby said, following them.  
  
"We'll take good care of him. Do you know his emergency contact? Are there any allergies?"  
  
"Don Eppes. Or Alan Eppes," he said, rattling off their phone numbers. "They'd know about allergies."  
  
The EMTs called Don and got all the information they needed and Colby crawled into the back of the ambulance with them. He expected his phone to be ringing any moment, and the longer it didn't, the worse he felt. It meant that Don was so livid, he couldn't even form the words needed to yell at him.  
  
Once they arrived at the hospital, they wheeled Charlie straight into the emergency room while Colby paced. Don came pushing through the door a few minutes later, glaring at Colby. "How is he?"  
  
"He's in the emergency room."  
  
Don walked past him without another word, looking for a doctor. He wasn't above flashing his badge to get to the head of the line.  
  
"Agent Eppes," the ER doctor said, taking him aside. "Your brother was beaten very badly. His arm is broken and he has three broken ribs. His bones are bruised, as are his lungs. We have him heavily sedated right now, but we'll be transferring him to a room shortly. He's going to be just fine, but we'll want to keep him for a few days, okay?"  
  
Don swallowed. "And his head? I heard he was slurring his words. There's no--" he swallowed again and forced the words out, "permanent brain damage?"  
  
"That was the shock, but we'll be doing some tests to make sure everything in Dr. Eppes's brain is working just fine. But it seems like the assailants concentrated their attack on his body and not his head. I'm confident that any deficit in functioning will be just temporary." The doctor put a gentle hand on Don's arm. "Agent Eppes. Your brother is going to be fine."  
  
"When can I see him?"  
  
"Soon. We're just getting him cleaned up and transferring him. We'll let you know."  
  
"Thank you." He still wasn't really in any condition to talk to Colby. And his dad would be here any minute, requiring care of a different sort. And Don was no doubt about to get his own ass chewing.  
  
"Don, I'm--" Colby started as he returned to the waiting area.  
  
Don held up a finger. "You really don't want to talk to me right now. Go check on the suspect and if he can be released, take him back and have Megan and David start interrogating him. You're sitting this one out."  
  
"But--"  
  
"Do you _really_ want to test me on this right now?"  
  
Cowed, Colby bit his lip and nodded, looking for his suspect's doctor.  
  
Don sighed but he didn't have more than 30 seconds to relax.  
  
"Don. Donny! What happened? How's Charlie?" Alan asked.  
  
"Dad. Charlie's going to be fine. He's got some broken bones and he's in a little shock. They're going to keep him for a few days for tests and evaluation."  
  
Alan frowned. "Don, what _happened_?"  
  
Don swallowed. "He was attacked and beaten by some guys we're investigating. They jumped him on campus."  
  
"I thought you said he was protected!"  
  
"He was! He was supposed to be. Colby was with him."  
  
Don could see the anger fill behind his dad's eyes. "Look, Dad. I swear I'm going to get to the bottom of what happened. They shouldn't even have been aware that Charlie was working on this for us. And believe me, Colby is going to be disciplined for this. We have one of the guys who attacked Charlie in custody, okay? Charlie's going to be fine."  
  
Alan didn't look convinced and his features hardened into disapproval.  
  
Don was saved from trying to find something to say next by Charlie's doctor arriving. "Charlie's being transferred now. He's still mostly out of it, but you can see him."  
  
Don and his father all but sprinted into the room. Charlie looked--horrific. There was no other word for it. There were dark, ugly bruises and one eye was swollen shut.  
  
"Buddy," Don breathed, stepping much more slowly the rest of the way into the room and gently taking Charlie's hand. "God, I am so sorry."  
  
"For what?" Charlie managed.  
  
"For not protecting you better. For not taking care of you."  
  
Charlie licked his lips and clearly struggled to get the words out. "Not your fault. Mine."  
  
Don frowned but he tried to soothe him. "Shh... don't try to talk. Just rest now."  
  
Alan stroked Charlie's forehead, carefully avoiding his bandages. "Sleep, my boy." He plucked at Don's sleeve trying to get him to come with him.  
  
"I'd like to stay with him, Dad. Make sure he rests."  
  
"Okay. But I'll be checking back to make sure that _you_ rest."  
  
Don managed half a smile and a nod. "Dad... I really am sorry."  
  
"I know," Alan said, squeezing his shoulder.  
  
Moving back to Charlie's side, he pulled over the chair and took Charlie's hand again.  
  
"Don..." Charlie murmured.  
  
"I'm right here. I'm going to stay with you."  
  
Charlie swallowed and tried to blink his good eye, but his whole body felt heavy with the sedatives. "Glad. Love you."  
  
Don nodded. "I love you, too, buddy."  
  
Rolling his head side to side, Charlie disagreed. "No. _In_ love with you. Have been."  
  
Don stilled. "Hush," he said quietly. "You're hopped up on the good drugs, buddy. Don't even know what you're saying."  
  
Charlie shook his head as best as he could again, squeezing Don's hand. "No. I know. 'M in love with you." His eyes slipped closed and his breathing evened out, leaving his statement hanging in the air.  
  
Don would have panicked--okay, panicked more--if he wasn't so certain that Charlie was high as a kite. He'd probably be professing love to the nightstand if given half a chance. But there was something deep down nagging at him, sending slivers of real panic running through him, that was telling him that Charlie was too certain for it to be an effect of the drugs. He watched Charlie sleep, their hands still joined.  
  
Don pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to breathe. There was only so much he could handle at once, and right now he had to focus on what to do about Colby. He'd calmed down enough--maybe--to finally ask what had happened. But it would have to wait until his dad came to relieve him. And if he couldn't be here himself he wanted the guard at the door doubled.  
  
"Donny," Alan murmured, shaking his oldest son several hours later. The sun had long since gone down. "Wake up."  
  
"Charlie!" Don started awake.  
  
"Shh, he's fine. He's sleeping," Alan assured him. "Come on. You're exhausted. Go home and get some rest."  
  
Don shook his head. "I can't. I have to go deal with Colby." He looked back at Charlie and their hands resting in each other's, his words still echoing through his head. Sternly, he pushed them aside again. "I'm going to post two agents at the door and I'll be back soon."  
  
"Don. Promise me you'll get some sleep before you come back, okay?"  
  
"I promise, Dad." With one last look at Charlie, Don left the room.  
  
….  
  
Colby was sitting at his desk, looking as though Don had already chewed him out.  
  
"Don, I'm sorry, I--"  
  
"Just tell me what happened," Don said calmly. "From the beginning."  
  
Colby took a deep breath. "I was with Charlie in his office. He was staring at his boards and I was scanning the activity in the courtyard, looking for anything suspicious. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. I answered the call from you. Charlie... didn't seem to want to talk." He shifted uncomfortably. "So, I tried to persuade you not to force me to get him on the phone. While we were talking he must have slipped out to get some air or something, probably figuring he'd be back before I was done with the call. As soon as I hung up the phone I realized he was gone and went looking for him. A student screaming got my attention, and that's when I found Charlie. I identified myself and drew my weapon. One suspect took cover behind a student so I couldn't get a clear shot. I fired at the other when he tried to run, and then called emergency services."  
  
He took another deep breath and lowered his eyes, unable to look at Don through the next part. "During the suspect's interrogation it became clear that after our initial canvas, the gang identified me as a target. They were watching me and saw me with Charlie. That's how they knew he was working with us."  
  
Don nodded slowly. "My fault, then. I should have used someone they hadn't seen before."  
  
Colby shook his head. "No, Don. This is my fault. I should have been watching Charlie while I was talking to you, not looking out the window. Or I should have thought that maybe they'd put a tail on me. At the very least I should have _seen_ the tail and we could have switched Charlie's protection." He swallowed. "Is-is he going to be okay?"  
  
"Yeah. The doctor says he should be fine. He's sleeping right now. They have him doped up on the good drugs."  
  
"Good. That's good." Colby sighed in relief. "I really am sorry, Don. You trusted me with Charlie and I blew it. You want to bench me for a while, I totally get it."  
  
"No. It's--" He took a breath and let it out. "It happens. Nobody's perfect. And Charlie knows better. Then again, so do you."  
  
Colby just waited, stung more by this quiet disapproval than if Don had given him the ass-chewing he deserved. He watched as Don rubbed a hand over his face and took a deep breath.  
  
"The guy you shot, did he give us anything?" Don asked finally.  
  
"He gave us some information about the gang, how it functions. Megan and David are doing some checking now. They transferred him to lock-down."  
  
"Why don't you go see if they need a hand?" Don said.  
  
Standing quickly, before Don could change his mind, Colby went in search of Megan and David. Don picked up the report on the interrogation that Megan had left on his desk, but the words on the page kept going blurry. Giving in, Don headed for his apartment and his bed.  
  
Once there, though, lying in the cool stillness of the apartment, the last words that Charlie spoke insisted on echoing through his brain. As hard as he tried to silence them, to shrug them off as drug-induced drivel, they still wouldn't let him sleep. Finally, after several hours of trying for sleep and achieving just a few hours of light dozing, he showered and dressed and headed back to the hospital in the first pale rays of dawn.  
  
Alan was dozing in the chair by Charlie's bed and Don didn't wake him. Charlie looked much as he had the day before, bruised and horribly beaten. It hurt just to look at him. "You must have been so scared," Don murmured.  
  
"Don?" Charlie said, his good eye blinking open.  
  
"Yeah, it's me, buddy," he said quietly. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."  
  
"You okay?"  
  
Don chuckled. "I think that's supposed to be my line, Charlie. How do you feel?"  
  
Charlie shifted, trying to sit up more and winced. "Hurts, but I'll live."  
  
"Do you want me to get the doctor?"  
  
"No!" Charlie said, reaching out and grasping Don's hand. "No, I'm okay. Just, don't leave."  
  
Against his better judgment, Don let Charlie cling to him, praying he wasn't just adding fuel to Charlie's delusion that he was in love with him. "Okay, okay. I'm right here. Do you remember anything?" he asked softly.  
  
"Remember everything right up to when Colby got there. 'S all a little blurry after that. The drugs." Charlie was having a hard time speaking and his mouth felt dry. "'S there water somewhere?"  
  
Don looked around and found a pitcher with a cup and straw. Filling it at the sink, he poured Charlie some and steadied the straw for him as he drank.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Sure. Can I get you anything else? Are you hungry? Want the TV or a book or something?"  
  
Charlie smiled as best as he could, which really just amounted to a small twitch of the lips. "Always taking care of me," he said. "'M okay. Still tired. Gonna sleep some more."  
  
"Okay, buddy, you do that," Don said, gently stroking Charlie's hair. Once he was sure Charlie was asleep again, he woke his dad, taking the next shift.  
  
….  
  
The next two days passed much the same way, Don and Alan trading off time spent in Charlie's room at the hospital. Don checked in with the office, but left wrapping up the case mostly to the rest of the team. Slowly, Charlie started to improve, his bruises starting to fade and his breathing sounding less and less painful. By the third day he was able to sit up and open both eyes. He was scribbling in a notebook when Don came to relieve Alan that afternoon.  
  
"Hey. What're you working on?"  
  
"Note for class. Amita's been covering me, but we're still behind." He looked up at Don and frowned. "You look like hell. New case?"  
  
Don rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. "Nah, just--having trouble sleeping."  
  
"You should try some of these drugs they're still pumping me with. You'll sleep like the dead." Charlie finished his note and leaned back against the pillows. "I'm ready to be out of here. Did they say how much longer?"  
  
"They keep telling me 'soon.' I think they're waiting to make sure your ribs are healing properly." Don stood carefully back from the bed, trying to maintain some distance so Charlie couldn't pull him into holding hands again.  
  
Charlie made a face. "How soon is soon?"  
  
Don shrugged. "Shouldn't be too much longer. Best enjoy the drugs while you can, Chuck."  
  
"I just want to go home and eat real food. Maybe even get you to cook for me for a change," Charlie said, grinning.  
  
"Okay. Just this once," Don said lightly. "What do you want?"  
  
Charlie's eyes went wide. "Well, this is an opportunity isn't it?" He licked his lips. "I think... barbeque. You're always bragging about your skills on the grill, time to put it to the test. Barbeque spare ribs and corn on the cobb. For my homecoming."  
  
"Done." Don hesitated, then reached forward and briefly ruffled Charlie's hair.  
  
Charlie's face split into a huge grin at the contact, brief though it was. It hadn't escaped him that Don had touched him less and less in the last few days, but he assumed it was either because Don was blaming himself for what had happened or he was concerned about Charlie's injuries.  
  
....  
  
A day later and Don was watching as his father helped Charlie get dressed before his release. Up till now, he hadn't seen the extent of the bruising down his chest and side, and it made Don's stomach churn. It was a slow process, but Charlie was determined.  
  
"Hope you're ready, big bro," Charlie said, sitting down gently in the wheelchair and trying not to look like he needed to. It still hurt a little to breathe, and he got tired quickly, but he could walk. That was the important thing. "I'm planning to savor every minute of this meal."  
  
"And the best part is, after days of hospital food it will taste like the best thing you've ever had no matter how good it actually is," Don said with forced lightness.  
  
"Hey," Charlie said, grasping Don's hand as Alan started to wheel him out the door. "I'm okay. I know it looks bad, but it's getting better. I promise."  
  
"I think I'm supposed to be the one reassuring you," Don said gruffly. This should never have happened. He was supposed to protect Charlie from bullies, not put him in a position to have bullies beat the crap out of him.  
  
"I think we could both use a little reassurance," Charlie said, squeezing Don's hand once and then letting go. "I never should have wandered off like that. It's not your fault."  
  
"No, you shouldn't have," Don agreed quietly. "And if you ever do it again we'll have to re-evaluate our working relationship."  
  
Charlie gulped, light fear and panic welling up inside him. "I understand," he said, voice small. He looked down at his hands to avoid having to look at Don.  
  
"Charlie--I'm not trying to punish you, okay? You've obviously been punished enough. I'm trying to keep you safe."  
  
"I know," Charlie said, forcing his voice to come back up to normal. "And I appreciate it. I just really hate the idea of us not working together anymore. I'd do anything to keep working with you."  
  
Alan and Don exchanged a look.  
  
"Good. Try to remember that," Don said, gently patting Charlie's shoulder.  
  
....  
  
It was an ordeal getting Charlie from the car into the house. Both Don and Alan offered their support, but Charlie insisted he would walk into the house under his own power, so all they could do was stand back and watch as Charlie took each labored and limping step.  
  
Fortunately, their dad seemed to think watching Charlie was all the punishment Don needed.  
  
"Can I get you anything?" Don asked, when Charlie was at last settled on the family room couch. "Water?"  
  
"Yeah, that sounds good," Charlie said, putting his head back and closing his eyes briefly.  
  
The rest of the evening, Don and Alan hovered over Charlie except for when Don went to cook dinner, watching him closely for any signs that something was wrong.  
  
"Guys, I appreciate all the attention but I promise, body parts are not about to fall off. I'm okay. The doctors said I should expect the ribs to take a long time to feel 100% better, but I'm _fine_ ," Charlie finally said.  
  
"Sorry," Don said sheepishly. He knew how annoying it was whenever his dad or Charlie acted like he might expire at any moment after he had a scrape or two--or, okay, the occasional bullet graze.  
  
"It's okay. I do get it," Charlie said. He reached out and grabbed Don's hand. "I just need you to know that I really am alright."  
  
Don gave him half a smile and slowly slid his hand out from underneath Charlie's. "Of course, buddy."  
  
Charlie blinked but he didn't say anything. Mentally, he chalked it up again to Don still dealing with his injuries.  
  
....  
  
However, as the days and weeks went on and Charlie improved steadily, even he couldn't pretend that Don's behavior was a normal reaction. Late in the day, on a rare night where almost everyone had already gone home, Charlie went to the FBI office to visit Don. They had barely spoken outside of work for almost two weeks and Don hadn't given him so much as a casual touch in more than three. "Hey, Don," he said once he was in Don's line of sight.  
  
For just a split second Don looked like the proverbial deer in the headlights. If he hadn't been looking for it he might have missed it because Don quickly gave him his welcoming but in a hurry smile. "Hey, Charlie. What brings you by?"  
  
"Well, you actually," Charlie said, putting his bag down. "I thought maybe we could have some dinner tonight, talk?"  
  
He wanted to say no, put it off just a little longer. But if Charlie wanted to talk there was a good possibility that Don had put things off too long and Charlie had noticed there was a problem. Then again, maybe there was some other issue. He hoped there was another issue. "Talk about what? Everything okay?"  
  
"You tell me," Charlie said mildly, not wanting to challenge Don. "This is the longest conversation we've had in weeks. I keep feeling like you're pushing me away for some reason and I can't quite figure out what it is. You and I both know that my intuition when it comes to people is... dismal, to say the least."  
  
"Nothing. It's nothing. You just--said some things while you were doped up and I guess it's messing with my head a little. I know you didn't know what you were saying, and so it's not a big deal. Just--" he shrugged.  
  
"If it's not a big deal, it wouldn't be messing with your head," Charlie pointed out. He dropped his eyes to his hands in his lap. "What--what did I say?"  
  
Don hesitated, and then said, "Let's not talk about this here, okay?"  
  
Charlie blinked. He couldn't imagine what he could have said that would have Don so rattled. "Okay, but we are going to talk about this tonight. Where do you want to go?"  
  
"My place, I guess." There was no way they were having the conversation where their dad might walk in.  
  
Standing, Charlie put his hands in his pockets, the urge to reach out and comfort Don too strong otherwise. He missed their casual, easy touches, but he wouldn't push. "Let's go, then. And Don," he said, stepping in Don's path, "whatever it is, we'll work it out, okay? You don't have to handle this by yourself."  
  
Don forced a smile but couldn't help wondering if this was something Charlie had been dealing with on his own and if so for how long.  
  
As Charlie followed Don's SUV in his Prius, he did his best to replay events from the time he was loaded in the ambulance to the time he remembered waking up in the hospital. There were bits and pieces he remembered with clarity--Don sitting with him, his father telling him to sleep, the doctors asking him over and over if he remembered his name--but there was much more that was blurry or just a total blank. All he knew for sure was that he missed Don terribly, and the feelings that plagued him pounded harder at him the longer they weren't in contact.  
  
Finally reaching Don's apartment, Charlie parked and followed him inside, settling automatically on the couch.  
  
"You want a beer or something?" Don asked. "Scotch maybe?" He needed something, preferably harder than beer.  
  
Frowning a little, Charlie shook his head. "No, I'm fine. But you go ahead."  
  
Don poured himself a double scotch on the rocks and took a long swallow. It wasn't the way he should be drinking it, but he wasn't in the mood to savor the taste. "So. You were high."  
  
Nodding, Charlie tried to relax into the cushions and project an air of calm control. He had no idea where this was heading, but it had Don riled and that was enough to worry him. "Right. And in shock. I remember bits and pieces but... Don, tell me what I said."  
  
"You said--you _claimed_ that you were in love with me. Now, I thought you were so out of it would have been professing love to just about anything or anyone, which is what I said but you got this look--and repeated yourself."  
  
 _Shit_ , Charlie swore internally. Suddenly he was wishing he'd taken Don up on his offer of a beer. He licked his lips and tried not to let his panic show. "I--what?"  
  
"You insisted you were in love with me," Don said. "But you're not, though, right? I mean, it was just the drugs talking..."  
  
Glancing up at Don, Charlie could easily see what Don wanted him to say. Every line of his body was begging for Charlie to reassure him that it was just the drugs so Don could let it go. Looking everywhere but at Don, Charlie nodded. "Yeah, of course. Just the drugs. I had no idea what I was saying."  
  
Don's heart sank. He wanted to just forget it; he'd been hoping it hadn't meant anything. If Charlie had brushed it off with a joke, a smart ass "get over yourself man!" he might have bought it. But Charlie was a terrible liar and he was clearly saying what he thought Don wanted to hear.  
  
"You did," Don whispered. "You meant it. Didn't you?" The drugs hadn't confused him so much as lowered his internal censor. It happened. Don knew it could happen, he'd just hoped...  
  
Steadfastly not looking at Don, Charlie wrung his hands together. He knew there was no point in trying to deny it again, Don would just see right through it. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I-I never meant--you were never supposed to know."  
  
"How long?" he asked hoarsely.  
  
"Don, please..."  
  
"How long?" he repeated.  
  
Charlie sighed. "Years. Ever since we started working closely together, so about 3 years now. But I swear, it's not a problem. I'll handle it. You don't have to worry about me."  
  
He didn't know what to say. Sure, he'd thought about the possibility that Charlie had been telling the truth, but only in an abstract way. He'd certainly never _believed_ it. He finished his scotch and stared at the empty glass.  
  
There was nothing he could say that Charlie didn't already know. They were brothers and it was wrong and when the hell had simple hero worship turned into something else?  
  
When the silence had stretched out a little too long he finally said something. It was the coward's way out but it was the only thing he could think of at the moment because this whole thing was way too fucked up. "I didn't even know you were gay."  
  
A surprised, bitter laugh escaped from Charlie. "I'm not. Well, not in the sense that you mean anyway. I guess bi is the right term, but even that's not entirely accurate. There's been a handful of guys that I've found attractive before you, but up till that point, it was just women. Look, I know you don't really want to hear about any of this." He rubbed his hands on his jeans. "I'll just go and we can both just pretend we never had to have this conversation, okay? We're brothers and I don't want to lose that over something so stupid."  
  
He knew letting it end this way would be the wrong thing to do. But he was in too much shock to come up with how to fix it. If it could be fixed. Was there a way to fix your brother being in love with you? Was this his fault? Had he let Charlie get too close or had he pushed him away too much?  
  
"Are you sure you can drive?" he said finally.  
  
Charlie did his best not to let the disappointment show on his face. Part of him had hoped that Don would insist that he stay and they talk about this. He knew that dealing with the truth couldn't be easy for Don though, and he didn't want to cause him any more pain than he already had.   
  
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," he said, offering Don a smile. "Just, promise me something? Promise me that you don't hate me? That we're still going to be brothers?"  
  
"Of course, Charlie. I just--I need some time to wrap my head around this. I'll call you, okay?"  
  
He ushered Charlie outside and then all but collapsed onto his sofa. What the hell was he supposed to do now? It wasn't like he could just pick up the phone and ask for advice. Besides who would he call? Megan? She might have some insight, possibly even useful insight, but she knew Charlie, so that was out.  
  
Bradford? Bradford would undoubtedly have something to say. Of course, he'd make Don squirm and work at it until Don figured out what it was. But he could help Don figure out what he was feeling and what he should do about it, and even if it would be an excruciating process it would definitely be worth it. But Bradford could also destroy any chance Charlie ever had of keeping his security clearance. He wouldn't do it from malice, but even Don had to admit that Charlie's inappropriate attraction made for excellent blackmail material.  
  
What was he supposed to do now? How the hell was he supposed to act? Was this his fault?  
  
Charlie drove home and tried not to shake as emotions crashed through him. He wanted more than anything to take those words back and magically return everything to normal for Don. He'd long ago accepted that he was anything but normal, and this was just one more thing. He knew how wrong it was, and he'd thought about getting help. The truth was though, he didn't _want_ to let go of it.  
  
He believed Don when he said that they would still be brothers and that he would call him. In the meantime, Charlie figured all he could do was wait.  
  
Don poured himself another scotch but sipped it more slowly. As tempting as it was to get blackout drunk in an attempt to forget the last hour of his life, it wasn't possible. There was no telling when a case might come up and he wasn't going to be any use if he was too drunk to take the call. And right now he desperately wanted a case. Something so demanding he couldn't even begin to think about his little brother's perversion. Of course, normally when he felt that way they entered into a dry spell where every crook on the West Coast decided to take a vacation from crime.  
  
As it turned out, it was better when Fate was being perverse. Four days later a sadistic killer had wrung up a body count of 5. Don hadn't slept in 36 hours. He'd seen Charlie, once or twice, but he really hadn't been able to focus on anything more than when Charlie might be able to give them something useful.  
  
Charlie worked as much as he could from CalSci, trying to give Don as much space as he could. Don was hard enough to be around when there was a bad case; in light of the recent turn their relationship had taken, he thought it would be prudent to stay away as much as he could. He used his ongoing recovery from his injuries as an excuse for not heading out to the FBI building as much as he might normally have.  
  
Still, he had seen Don a handful of times, and each time he looked worse. Finally, Charlie couldn't take it any more and once they were alone again five days after their disastrous conversation he stood as close to Don as he dared. "I know it's not on the top of your list, but try to get some sleep soon, okay? I'm worried about you." He kept his hands firmly in his pockets.  
  
"Just as soon as we catch the SOB." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "How are you holding up?" Ever since Charlie'd been hurt because he was trying to avoid Don hounding him Don had tried to be more aware of not pushing him too hard.  
  
"Not bad," Charlie shrugged. "My ribs start to hurt if I push for too long so I've had to sit and take more breaks than I'm used to, but I'm managing. At least most of the bruises have healed and I don't look so hellish anymore. Colby's guilty face was really starting to get to me." He tossed his brother half a smile. Don's entire body was laced with exhaustion and frustration, and Charlie itched to put a comforting hand on his shoulder.  
  
Instead, he just glanced back at his boards and shouldered his bag. "I'll keep looking for ways I can help, but this new search algorithm should help you a lot. I know you'll catch him soon."  
  
"Thanks, Charlie. You okay getting home?"  
  
Nodding, Charlie smiled. "Call me on my cell if you need me. I'll probably be in the garage working for a while." He walked out of the conference room and through the bullpen, heading for the elevator and waving at Colby and David as he passed.  
  
Colby returned his wave with a big smile and watched as Charlie walked out.  
  
When it was over and the guys (it turned out there were two) were finally caught, Don went to his apartment and slept for 16 hours.  
  
His stomach was rumbling when he woke up and he staggered to his fridge looking for food, almost surprised when he didn't find any. Taking a deep breath he picked up the phone and dialed Charlie's number. "I'm hungry," he said without preamble when the phone connected. "You mind having me over for some Chinese food?"  
  
"Um, sure," Charlie said, surprised and a little relieved. "You're sounding almost human."  
  
"Starting to feel it, too," Don said. He wasn't suddenly okay with everything he now knew about Charlie, but with sleep and he hoped with food, he'd be able to at least start thinking about the subject. So far, all he'd been able to do was push it aside every time it surfaced in his brain. "You order. I'll be there in half an hour."  
  
"Drive safe."  
  
Charlie placed the usual order and tried not to be nervous. This was the first time he'd seen Don since his nasty revelation where his brother wouldn't intensely focused on the case. Unless maybe he still was. Sometimes Don couldn't let go.  
  
Don let himself into the house, finding Charlie setting the table. "Hey, Charlie," he said, closing the door behind him. "Is the food here, yet?"  
  
"Not yet. Should be any minute. So... how are you?"  
  
Running a hand through his hair Don looked around. Everything looked normal. He wasn't sure what he had expected to see. Something, he thought now that he knew what he knew. "I'm okay. Getting better."  
  
"Donny! I didn't know you were going to be here," Alan said. "I was going on my way out to go bowling with Artie but--how are you?"  
  
"I'm okay. Go, have fun. Chuck's going to feed me Chinese food until I pass out again."  
  
"You work too hard," Alan said, patting his oldest son on the shoulder. "Enjoy your dinner. And you know you're welcome to pass out here if you need to."  
  
Don smiled. "Thanks, Dad." After he was gone, Don turned back to Charlie, realizing they were alone for the first time since he found out.  
  
"So," he said.  
  
"So," Charlie replied. "Look, Don... about the other night--" But he was cut off by the doorbell ringing.  
  
Don's stomach clenched. When the food was laid out, Don said carefully, "Charlie, it's been a really long couple of days. I thought we'd already dealt with the other night."  
  
"No, you're right, we did," Charlie said, sitting down. "I just--I wanted to say again that I'm sorry."  
  
Don sighed. "Charlie--agreeing to pretend it didn't happen means not talking about it."  
  
Swallowing, Charlie nodded. "Of course." He poked at his food in silence for a bit and then looked up at Don. "I'm glad you got some sleep. You definitely look a lot less like death warmed over, now."  
  
"Thanks," Don said dryly.  
  
"Anytime," Charlie said, daring a small smile. "It's what I'm here for."  
  
Despite himself, Don snorted, chuckling softly, and just for a moment he forgot he was supposed to be freaked out. He shoved food into his mouth steadily, his appetite coming back with a vengeance now that the case was over.  
  
They managed to make stilted small talk through most of the dinner, Charlie speaking to him in fits and spurts and Don giving whatever reply he could muster.  
  
"So," Don said finally. "What's the deal with you and Amita?"  
  
Charlie coughed around a mouthful of water. "Oh. Um, we tried it but it didn't work. I like her, I do, but just as a friend and collaborator. She deserves more than what I can give her anyway."  
  
Don didn't ask if he was the reason Charlie couldn't give more.  
  
After a few moments of heavy silence, Charlie took a breath. "So, what about you? Anyone catch your eye now that you and Liz aren't together any more?"  
  
Don rolled his eyes. "You sound like Dad."  
  
"Sorry," Charlie said with a small smile. "Just making conversation."  
  
"No, not at the moment," Don said finally. He was slightly relieved he'd never been much for talking about his love life with his family. Now it wouldn't be quite so awkward if he didn't say anything to Charlie.  
  
"There's someone for you out there, Don," Charlie said, offering his brother an encouraging smile. "I know you'll find her some day. I-I really want you to be happy."  
  
"Thanks," Don said awkwardly.  
  
They moved on to safer topics, and finally, at long last, the awkward dinner was over. Charlie had cleared the leftovers and stored them in the fridge, knowing Don would come around looking for them at some point. Don was shrugging into his jacket in the living room when he returned.  
  
"You sure you're okay to drive?" Charlie asked.  
  
Don nodded. "I'll be fine. Thanks for the food."  
  
"Glad I could help." Charlie's voice sounded okay, but he still looked at Don with big worried eyes. So much had passed between them and he still didn't know if Don could really handle it. "I'm glad you called me."  
  
"You're my brother. Who else would I call?"  
  
Charlie beamed. It was such a relief to hear Don say it and he wanted to pull him into a hug. He didn't, but he did venture to put a hand briefly on Don's shoulder. "Still, I was glad."  
  
Nodding, Don patted Charlie swiftly as well. "I'm going home and collapsing back into bed now. Talk to you, soon?"  
  
"Yeah, of course," Charlie said as he watched Don leave and shut the door behind him, feeling hopeful and like things might also one day be normal between them again.  
  
Once in his car Don took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It hadn't gone as terribly as he'd feared. Yeah, there had been some awkwardness, but that was only to be expected. Things might never be totally normal between them again, but he knew at least things could get better.


	2. Chapter 2

A few weeks later and Charlie was at the FBI offices again, making scribbles on some papers in the coffee area when Colby came in. Charlie lifted his head and gave him a soft smile, eyes going wide as he realized he was dressed casually in a light t-shirt and blue jeans that fit him perfectly in all the right places.  
  
"You're looking good," Colby said, leaning on the counter.  
  
"So are you," Charlie said, voice gone deep and husky. "God, sorry. I didn't mean for that to sound the way it did."  
  
Colby chuckled. "It's okay. I can't... I mean, I don't really mind."  
  
Don walked in, prepared to give Charlie some new data but the atmosphere in the room made him pause. He felt like he was interrupting something.  
  
Charlie was busy incorporating this new information into what he knew of Colby, and so it took him a moment to realize that Don had entered. He gave Colby a big smile and addressed Don. "Hey, is that the new info?" he asked.  
  
Clearing his throat, Don walked the rest of the way in. "Yeah, here..." He arranged the papers in front of Charlie and behind Don's back, Charlie gave Colby a subtle wink and another smile.  
  
Don tried very, very hard to ignore the atmosphere in the room. He should be happy, right? Maybe if Charlie were distracted by--someone else--he wouldn't be so fixated on Don.  
  
"Thanks, Don," Charlie said, putting his attention back on what he needed to do and letting Colby off the hook. He and Don talked for a few minutes about what he needed to do next and then he gathered his things, deciding he could do more at CalSci.  
  
Colby was still leaning on the counter and sipping his coffee and as Charlie approached, he lifted his eyebrows expectantly.  
  
Checking to make sure Don was out of earshot, Charlie said to Colby quietly, "You are cute when you blush."  
  
Colby grinned. "And you're bolder than I thought you'd be."  
  
"Well. I'm an Eppes," Charlie said.  
  
"There's no denying that," Colby said. "Maybe we can try having this conversation again sometime, maybe someplace less public?"  
  
Charlie stopped and considered Colby carefully. He genuinely liked Colby and considered him a good friend. But actually trying to have something with him could be very complicated, not least of all because he didn't think he could ever really love him entirely. As long as he lived, Charlie knew that he would always be in love with Don, but he also realized that settling for someone else was always going to be his reality. He wasn't sure that was going to be fair. "Maybe," he said, giving him a small smile. "That might be nice."  
  
….  
  
For the rest of the case, when Don needed more information from Charlie, he sent Colby. He wasn't sure if Charlie saw the message in that or not.  
  
Charlie smiled each time Colby had to truck all the way out to CalSci for something. The poor guy didn't seem to mind, but Charlie hated that Colby was getting caught in this thing that was between him and Don.  
  
Finally, once the case was wrapped, Charlie made a stop at the FBI offices to talk to Don. He found him in the coffee room.  
  
"Hey, Don," he greeted his brother.  
  
"Hey buddy," Don replied with a smile. "Come to say hi to Colby?"  
  
Charlie rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, and I get it, but you don't have to push Colby in front of me, okay? If something develops between us, it will. Please stop trying to force it because it makes you feel better."  
  
"What makes you think that's my reason? Or have you forgotten how Dad and I tried to push you toward Amita?"  
  
"Because even when you were trying to push Amita and me together, you still talked to me, Don. Do you realize that this is the first time we've talked in five days? You've been using Colby as a shield, and it's not fair," he replied, doing his best to keep his voice even and calm. He wasn't angry with Don; he really did understand the self-preserving impulse.  
  
"Look, Charlie, what do you want from me? We were working a case. Sometimes I don't have time to hold your hand while we do it. This isn't the first time I've sent someone else. Should I be sending Megan when I can't go myself?"  
  
Charlie just shook his head and tried to breathe. "Don, I really don't care who you send. That's not the point. The point is that you're hiding from me and you don't even realize you're doing it."  
  
"Can we not talk about this here?"  
  
"Fine, Don. We won't talk about this here. We probably won't talk about this anywhere because all we've done is not talk about this. I'll see you later." Charlie turned on his heel and walked over to Colby's desk.  
  
"Hi Colby," he said, offering a smile and keeping his voice down. "I was wondering if maybe you were free tonight to continue that conversation we were having?"  
  
Don followed Charlie a moment later. He put a hand on Charlie's shoulder to physically drag him away. "Excuse us." He dragged Charlie back into the conference room and shut the door. "This is my job," he said, his voice low and heated. "This is where I _work_ , Charlie. I need these people to respect me. And maybe you don't care about that but I do. So if you have a problem, you take it up with me somewhere else. You do not _ever_ bring it here. Do you understand me? Stop acting like a damn child and grow up!"  
  
Charlie recoiled as if he'd been physically slapped. He took a step back from Don as if he were afraid that might be the next step. "I-I'm sorry. Of course you're right."  
  
Don took a breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm down. "If you want to talk about this, I'll call you when I get off, okay?"  
  
"Only if we're actually going to talk and not just pretend nothing's going on," Charlie said.  
  
"Okay. I'll call you."  
  
Nodding, Charlie left the conference room and returned to Colby's desk. "I'm sorry about that."  
  
"Is everything okay?" Colby asked anxiously, shooting a worried glance at Don. He knew that having an interest in the boss's brother probably wasn't the best move he could make for his career.  
  
"Yeah, it's okay. It wasn't about--" he paused, because there was no 'us.' "Well, it was unrelated."  
  
"Oh, okay. So, did you still want to...?" Colby asked.  
  
Charlie smiled at the hopeful look on Colby's face. He really was too sweet, and he hated the idea that he might hurt him. "I know I said tonight, but that might not be the best idea. Can we hold off until tomorrow?"  
  
"Sure. I can do tomorrow," Colby said, a little surprised by the change in plan.  
  
"Good. Thanks for understanding." He reached out and squeezed Colby's shoulder, giving him a huge smile. "I'm really looking forward to it."  
  
Colby grinned and nodded. "Me too. See you tomorrow."  
  
Neither of them noticed Don watching them from across the room.  
  
When Don got home he allowed himself to have a single beer before he dutifully lifted up the phone and called Charlie.  
  
Charlie answered the phone in the garage, taking a glance at the caller ID. "Hi, Don."  
  
"So you wanted to talk?"  
  
"Only if you want to, too," Charlie said, his back going up at Don's tone. He didn't want to argue with Don, but the last thing they needed was another awkward one-sided conversation.  
  
"Charlie don't--look, I'm here, okay? I'm not happy about it, but I'm here."  
  
"Okay, Don," Charlie said, taking a deep breath and letting it out. "How about I come over with a pizza?"  
  
"Okay," he said, trying to be at least somewhat polite. "Sounds good. I'll see you when you get here."  
  
"Good," Charlie said. He took his time, making sure to breathe and keep his head clear. There were times he wondered exactly why he loved Don the way he did; he could be so irritating. And yet, he couldn't escape the reaction that he had when Don was close. He shook his head as he made his way up to Don's place carrying the pizza. He was just so screwed. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.  
  
"Smells good," Don said when he answered. "Do you want a beer?"  
  
"Yeah, sure. A beer sounds good." Charlie put the pizza down and settled in on the couch. This was going to be a long conversation, and he didn't know where to start. He thought about trying to make small talk but figured it was better to get it over with. Ripping off band-aids and all that.   
  
"So."  
  
"So," Charlie said, taking a long swig from his beer. "I'm sorry I confronted you about Colby in the office. That was wrong of me. But I just felt like you were using Colby out of, I don't know, desperation, self-preservation, something. And I was just so frustrated by that even though I understand it. I would give anything for you to unknow what you know because I can only imagine how hard it is for you to look at me now... the kinds of questions you must have. I get it, I do. But I need you to remember that I've carried this around with me for years and you never had a clue. You don't have to be concerned about me... pursuing you at all. I know it's an impossibility and I know the consequences. Okay?"  
  
"Charlie--I'm not worried you're going to try and jump me. I'm really not."  
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
"Things are different now, okay? And yes, I hope Colby can--I don't know, distract you. Make you happy. Is that so wrong?"  
  
"No, of course not. I want you to be happy, too. But you can't force it. Sending Colby all the way out to CalSci when you or anyone else could just have easily picked up the phone and called me is more than a little obvious."  
  
"Okay. But I might not be the only one over analyzing here. I've been known to send people before when probably a phone call would do it. And you know, sometimes we don't see each other for a few days. It doesn't necessarily mean I'm avoiding you."  
  
"Okay, I'll grant you that. Maybe I've been feeling how different things are lately and it worries me. I don't want to lose what little I do have."  
  
"I know. And I'm trying, Charlie."  
  
Charlie took a deep breath and a bite of his now slightly warm pizza. "I know you are, Don. And I do appreciate how hard it has to be for you. I just..." He hesitated knowing he had to be treading on dangerous ground. "I just want you to know that there's nothing you did to make me like this, nothing you could have done to change it. It just... happened."  
  
Don made a noncommittal noise. "I thought it was just--hero worship."  
  
"It started out like that, I think, but then it just... grew. I can't explain it and as hard as I tried, I couldn't get rid of it." Charlie looked down, the remembered pain of that time making him wince.  
  
Don hesitated, then said, "Have you tried--you know, therapy, or something?"  
  
Laughing bitterly, Charlie shook his head. "No. I haven't. I didn't know where to go with something like this. Besides, it--it makes me happy to love you. I don't _want_ to let it go. So, therapy wouldn't exactly work, either."  
  
"You don't seem happy," Don said quietly.  
  
"Only because I'm worried about what knowing about me is doing to you, Don," Charlie said. "But I am happy."  
  
"I don't know what to say, Charlie," he said finally. "You're my _brother_."  
  
"You don't have to say anything. Just remember that I am your brother, and no matter how screwed up I might be, that one fact will never change."  
  
He wanted to say that Charlie wasn't that screwed up, except that he was, and they both knew it. "So... are we back to pretending it never happened?"  
  
"I think we can both agree that approach hasn't worked. No, it happened and it's the truth. And I can't change that it did or is, as much as I might want to. I don't know what we do from here, except try to be as normal around each other as possible."  
  
"Okay. We'll give it a shot and hopefully it will work better than pretending it never happened did."  
  
Charlie let out a long sigh and nodded. He felt better now that there'd been a clearing of the air, and a little ashamed that he hadn't given Don more credit. They consciously moved on to other topics, trying their best to have as normal a conversation as they could under the circumstances. It wasn't magically fixed, but it was better.  
  
After the pizza had been consumed, Charlie stood. "I guess I should get going. I have an early class and then I have a date with Colby."  
  
"Yeah? Have a good time. I'll do my best to make sure he can actually get home at a decent time tomorrow. And I'll tell him he better treat you right."  
  
Charlie snorted. "Is that going to be an order from the boss then?" he teased. "Seriously, thanks. I'm sure it'll be great. Talk to you tomorrow."  
  
....  
  
Colby was sweet and tender on their date and it ended in one of the best goodnight kisses Charlie had experienced. He went home floating high, even though that part of him that was in love with Don insisted that it could never be as good as kissing Don might be.  
  
Over the next couple of weeks, they went out every chance they got, but they took it slow. Charlie was grateful to Colby for not pushing, though he made no secret of how much he did in fact want Charlie. Every time he made a trip to the FBI now, his stomach did a double flip and he found it wasn't entirely unpleasant to have someone else to focus on. When Colby smiled at him, he could feel his cheeks warm. Finally, after almost three weeks of steady dating, Colby had invited him over to his apartment for dinner, and Charlie nearly vibrated with anticipation for it.  
  
Don had watched Colby and his brother grow closer together. He tried not to notice that Charlie seemed to have little interest in being around him if he could be around Colby. But he still had to remind himself that this was what he wanted. And if he no longer looked at Don with eyes full of hero worship, well, better he lose that because Charlie was in love with someone else than lose it because he saw Don in one of his less heroic moments.  
  
Colby and Charlie had their heads close to each other, making plans for their dinner together that night, as they sat in the coffee room. They laughed together softly, their fingers just brushing each other on the table. Don cleared his throat when he walked in, and they sprang apart like guilty teenagers.  
  
"Oh, hey, Don," Charlie said with an embarrassed smile.  
  
"Hey, Charlie. You two getting together again tonight?"  
  
"Yeah," Charlie said, grinning at Colby. "Colby's going to cook dinner for me at his place."  
  
"Nothing impressive or anything, just something simple," Colby said, shrugging. "I hope you like it."  
  
"I'm sure you're an amazing cook," Charlie murmured, giving Colby a look that said he didn't much care about dinner as long as there was dessert involved and Colby was at the top of the menu.  
  
Don coughed. "You two have fun."  
  
"I'm sure we will," Charlie said absently.  
  
Colby coughed and forcefully shifted his attention over to Don. "Did you need one of us for something, Don?"  
  
"No, I just came in to get some coffee," Don said, belatedly realizing he had yet to actually go about that task. He made his cup up quickly and beat a hasty retreat from the room, his cheeks hot as the knowledge of what Charlie had planned for his night with Colby swirled in his head.  
  
That night Don tired himself out playing basketball with David, went home and took a cold shower. He did not think about Charlie or Colby or how he was supposed to act around the office.  
  
The next day, Colby walked into the office with a lightness that Don had never seen before. He smiled at everyone he passed and greeted as many as he could. He clapped David on the shoulder and gave him a big grin as he sat down.  
  
"Had a good night then?" David asked.  
  
Colby bit his lip against his grin, but his eyes danced as he nodded. David just chuckled and turned away. As soon as Colby caught Don's eye though, he immediately composed himself and turned to face his computer screen, putting his back to Don.  
  
Don frowned and later that day made a point of dropping by Colby's desk when he was alone and saying that it was okay to be happy. He would have warned him about breaking Charlie's heart, but at the moment he was honestly sure it was more likely to be the other way around.  
  
Colby's eyebrows went up in surprise, but he quickly covered his reaction. "Thanks, Don," he said, keeping his voice down. "I appreciate you saying that. I just--didn't think I should flaunt it, you know? Under the circumstances."  
  
"Hey man, I get it. I don't ever want the details," Don said with half a smile, "but it really is okay for you to show your happiness."  
  
Grinning, Colby nodded and returned to his work.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next weeks Don kept a careful eye on Charlie and Colby whenever he could. He told himself that he was just watching out for their best interests, making sure neither of them got hurt or got in too deep too quickly. The real reasons were less clear. Sometimes he was seized with an aching curiosity about what they did on the nights they spent together at Colby's apartment. Whenever this happened, he pushed it aside as quickly as possible, not wanting to examine that curiosity too closely.  
  
Watching as he was, it was impossible not to notice the subtle changes in Charlie's behavior. He no longer sought Don out immediately on entering the FBI building. He no longer sought Don's attention and approval when he was working on a case for them. All of his free time was now spent with Colby, too, which meant Don hadn't seen him outside of work since their first night together. He was almost never around when Don dropped by the house for dinner, and when he was there, he was usually holed up in the garage working. Don started spending even more time at the house, hoping to catch his brother for even a few minutes, but Charlie always seemed to be on his way somewhere else. Don had been reduced to an after-thought in Charlie's life. He tried to tell himself that this was good, this was what he wanted, but deep down it bothered him to be so casually put aside.  
  
Finally, after nearly a month, Don wandered into the garage when Charlie was working. "Hey, buddy," he said quietly.  
  
It took several moments for Charlie to respond, but eventually Don's presence filtered into his awareness. "Oh, hey Don. Didn't realize you were here."  
  
"I just got here. I thought maybe you could use a break, so I came out here to tempt you with the promise of Chinese food, just the two of us." He smiled hopefully.  
  
"Oh. Um, I'm sorry Don but--"  
  
"C'mon, Charlie! I haven't seen you in almost a month. Are you avoiding me?"  
  
Stunned, Charlie put down his piece of chalk deliberately. He refrained from reminding Don of the conversation they'd had several weeks ago when he had thought that Don was hiding from him. "Of course not, Don," he said calmly instead. "I'm just busy. Besides, you've seen me plenty of times at the office."  
  
"That's not the same thing and you know it," Don said.  
  
"Don," Charlie said, using his most patient voice, "what did you think was going to happen when I started dating Colby? I thought you wanted someone who was going to distract me."  
  
"I thought I'd still see you once in a while. I don't completely disappear when I'm dating someone."  
  
Charlie refrained from chuckling at the double standard. Don didn't disappear, no, but the time that they did see him was usually limited to him passing through between cases and dates. He wasn't exactly "present."  
  
"I'm sorry, Don. I can't tonight. I need to finish what I'm doing here and then I have plans to meet Colby." He took a deep breath at the disappointed look on Don's face. "But, I have time tomorrow night. Does that still work?"  
  
"Yeah, sure, tomorrow night." Don started to leave, doing his best to hide his disappointment.  
  
"And Don?"  
  
"Yeah?" Don said, turning back from the doorway.  
  
"You're buying." Charlie gave him an impish grin, and Don chuckled.  
  
"You come by the apartment tomorrow night for dinner and I'll buy you a feast, Chuck."  
  
"Deal."  
  
The next day Don felt oddly nervous. Like he had to have some sort of agenda when Charlie came over--some specific thing to do or say. In the end, he pulled out a deck of cards just in case the feeling persisted. At the least he could have Charlie kick his ass at some Rummy or Gin. While he waited, he tried not to pace. Finally, there was a knock on his door just before 8:00.  
  
"Hey, Charlie," Don said, opening the door with a big grin. "Come on in."  
  
Charlie returned the grin and slipped inside. "Hey. Sorry it took me so long. I got wrapped up in something and had to grab a shower before I came over."  
  
Don bit back the obvious question because if Charlie'd had to shower because of Colby he _really_ didn't want to know.  
  
"I was covered in chalk dust, Don," Charlie said with a knowing grin. He put his hand on Don's shoulder and squeezed. "Relax, okay? It's me."  
  
"I'm relaxed," Don protested. "Really. See, this is me relaxed. Want a beer?"  
  
"Sure, a beer sounds good," Charlie said, trying to hide his amusement. A jittery Don was a new experience for him, and he tried not to think about how Don was now getting a taste of how he had always felt. He watched as Don dug in the fridge for the beers, his eyes dipping reflexively to watch Don's ass. There was still that low heat of desire deep down in his stomach when he looked at Don, despite the sex he was regularly getting with Colby. It made him feel vaguely guilty to be lusting after someone else while he was dating Colby, but he put it aside. Charlie figured he deserved some measure of happiness, and he never intended for Colby or anyone else he dated to share in this secret part of him anyway.  
  
"Have you ordered the food yet?" he asked as Don pressed a beer into his hand.  
  
"Not yet," Don said. "I thought I'd wait for you, see what you wanted. So what are you in the mood for?"  
  
Charlie considered for a minute, debating between something they'd both enjoy and something Don didn't care for but would still eat, just to see how anxious he was to have Charlie around. In the end Charlie decided not to try to be manipulative when Don was clearly bothered by not having seen him in a while. He requested their usual order and went to settle himself on the couch with his beer. It felt good to be in Don's apartment again without at least some of the weirdness that was between them right after he got out of the hospital.  
  
"So what's going on in your life?" Don asked finally.  
  
"Oh, you know, same old thing: research, classes, working with you... and of course, Colby." He smiled softly. "This whole relationship thing has kept me pretty busy."  
  
"You're happy then? With Colby?"  
  
Charlie thought about the question. It was true that he was still in love with Don; he always would be no matter who else came in or out of his life. But Charlie thought he maybe loved Colby a little bit, too. Being with him was fun, natural and easy, lacking all of the awkwardness that his attempt at a relationship with Amita had possessed. Some part of him insisted that he'd be happiest if he was with Don, but Colby was doing a great job for second place. "Yeah," he finally said. "I'm happy. Happier than I ever really expected to be."  
  
"I'm glad, Charlie. I really am. Colby's a good guy."  
  
"He is. But so are you, Don."  
  
"Charlie... just don't break his heart, okay?"  
  
Charlie snorted. "Don't break his heart? Give me a little credit, Don. I'm not about to throw someone like him away for something that I know will never, ever happen. Unless there's something you're not telling me?" he teased.  
  
He hesitated a split second too long.  
  
"Don?"  
  
"What, no! Charlie, no! It's just--you know, maybe I miss the hero worship a little, that's all. I'm glad you found Colby and all, really. Maybe I just miss having you around. A little. My baby brother's growing up."  
  
Of course that was it. Don had taken for granted that Charlie would always be there to tag along after him, and now that he had other things to occupy his time, Don was just having trouble adjusting. It had nothing to do with the relationship Charlie and Colby had and that sick, near voyeuristic curiosity that sometimes possessed him. He didn't really want to know about Charlie spread out on the mattress for Colby, pliant and needy, or to think about Charlie with that wicked glint in his eye as he swallowed Colby down. Not really.  
  
He could feel Charlie watching him closely and he prayed that the color on his cheeks would be chalked up to the beer he was drinking. "What, Charlie?"  
  
"Nothing. Just... you're sure that's all it is?" Charlie frowned slightly in concern.  
  
"What else would it be?"  
  
Charlie considered Don carefully for a long moment. It was true that he'd never seen Don quite like this before, but he had offered a logical explanation for his behavior. "No, you're right. It wouldn't be anything else," he said almost to himself, as if he were calculating and rejecting the probabilities of other explanations.  
  
Don let out a deep breath and wondered exactly what the hell was wrong with him while also trying to think of what to say next. Fortunately he was saved from that by the arrival of the food.  
  
"So what about you?"  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"Any new lady in your life."  
  
"Nah. No one I'm really interested in." It sounded better than saying he'd already been through his office and half of the AUSAs.  
  
He shifted next to Charlie on the couch so he could spread the food out on the coffee table. Charlie was wearing a button-down shirt with the first two buttons open, exposing the line of his throat and just the beginnings of his collarbone. From underneath the shirt, Don could see just the edge of a round, purple bruise poking out and his breath caught in his throat. Colby had marked Charlie. Colby had claimed Charlie and an irrational stab of jealousy tore through him. Charlie was _his_ ; Charlie was in love with _him_ , not Colby.  
  
Slowly, Don put his food back down on the table and took a deep breath with his hands on his knees, feeling sick to his stomach even as white hot jealousy spread through his body.  
  
"Don? Are you okay?"  
  
"Fine!" he snapped. He wanted Charlie out, wanted him gone. But he'd fought to get him here he couldn't just kick him out now. "Sorry, I'm just--I had a long day. That's all."  
  
Charlie frowned. "Colby didn't mention--"  
  
"Well, Colby doesn't know everything."  
  
"Okay, Don. What the hell is going on?" Charlie said, keeping his voice calm. "You've been jittery since I walked in here tonight even though you insisted that I come over. I know I'm not the greatest when it comes to reading people, but I do know you. You can't deny that something's wrong. Now, why don't you just tell me what it is so I can help you?"  
  
"I'm just having an off day, Charlie. I appreciate that you want to help, but that's all it is."  
  
Charlie still didn't look convinced, but he figured that he hadn't come over here to fight. Instead he nudged Don's beer closer to him and took a bite of his food, letting the matter drop. "I told you that you needed to relax," Charlie said. "Why don't you find a game or something on TV for us to watch while we eat?"  
  
Don did just that, more relieved than he wanted to admit that he wouldn't have to find something to talk about. Why was having a simple dinner with his brother so damn complicated?  
  
He glanced at Charlie from time to time as they stared at the TV. His profile was relaxed and content, and Don envied him that certainty at the moment. Part of him wanted to ask what it was that Charlie saw in him, but he was fairly certain that he didn't want to actually hear the answer. They made idle chit-chat through the game as they ate, and when it was over, Charlie collected the trash and stood. When he stretched, a small sliver of skin was revealed and Don found that he consciously had to turn away.  
  
"I guess I'll get going," Charlie said. "Unless you wanted me to stay for something?"  
  
"Like a slumber party?"  
  
Charlie laughed. "We could build a fort like we used to when we were kids."  
  
"Yeah?" Don said, pausing to consider the idea. "Have to make it bigger though."  
  
"Shouldn't be too hard, with the right geometry and calculations..." Charlie said looking around for a pencil and a scrap piece of paper.  
  
Don grinned, feeling more than a little silly. But now he didn't want Charlie to go and a fort sounded like fun. He found a pen and some paper for Charlie and snagged another couple of beers, plopping himself down on the couch to watch Charlie work.  
  
Charlie sipped at his beer as he worked, only generally aware of Don's body next to his. Soon, he had a rough sketch of how they would have to rearrange the living room and he sent Don to get sheets and a comforter. They moved the coffee table out of the way and precisely aligned the rest of the furniture according to Charlie's calculations. Together, they spread the sheets carefully across them.  
  
"So, what do I do with the comforter?" Don asked once the fort was built.  
  
"This," Charlie said, unfolding it on the floor under the fort and then climbing on top. "Well? Coming?"  
  
"Why not?" He crawled into the fort with Charlie and grinned. "You always had to work out the math, even as a kid."  
  
"Well, how else are you supposed to make sure the sheets don't fall on top of you?" Charlie asked, genuinely perplexed. The light was low in the fort and even though Charlie had made it bigger, he and Don were still relatively close together. Charlie's stomach did that slow flip again and he quickly looked away. "This is fun."  
  
"Remember when we built a fort because of the thunderstorm outside?"  
  
"Yeah," Charlie said, smiling. "I was so scared and you hugged me until I wasn't scared anymore. We played with the flashlights. I remember how warm and... safe I felt."  
  
"Now all we need is a good thunderstorm and some flashlights." He reached out to ruffle Charlie's hair, turning away when he caught sight of Colby's mark.  
  
Charlie followed the line of Don's eyes to his neck and quickly covered up the visible mark, buttoning one button on his shirt. The warm mood between the two of them instantly evaporated, and Charlie wasn't exactly sure why. Maybe Don thought Colby had been rough with him?  
  
"Shame it's such a clear night," Charlie said lamely. "Guess we'll have to wait for one." He glanced at Don, but his face was unreadable. Crawling out of the fort, he started to gather his things.  
  
"Hey, where are you going?"  
  
Charlie turned back, mildly surprised. Don looked up at him hopefully from the floor, and he wanted to kiss Don so badly in that moment he could feel the desire vibrating through him. "I, uh, I thought I should go." He tugged uncomfortably at his collar, self-conscious about how much skin he might be showing now. "It's getting late."  
  
"Not that late," Don disagreed. "It's my day off tomorrow. You don't have class, do you?"  
  
"Don... I should go. Before I do something I'm going to regret, okay?" His eyes pleaded with Don to understand. He loved being here with Don like this, the innocent fun, but he still needed to exercise some self-preservation.  
  
"Oh. Of course. I'm sorry, I should have--" he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He crawled out of the 'fort' and walked Charlie to the door. "Just don't make it another month before I see you again, okay?"  
  
Smiling, Charlie squeezed Don's shoulder. "Promise. Colby's supposed to come to the house for dinner this week. Why don't you join us?"  
  
"Sure. Sounds good," Don said.  
  
"Goodnight, Don. And... thanks. It was fun." Charlie smiled at Don again and gently shut the door behind him.  
  
Don locked the door after Charlie and sighed. What the hell was wrong with him? Charlie was finally happy with Colby. He should be ecstatic. What he definitely shouldn't be doing was anything that had even a remote chance of jeopardizing that relationship. So Charlie didn't worship the ground he walked on anymore. Tough. He'd have to get used to it.  
  
But it wasn't just the loss of Charlie's adoration that was bothering him. That mark on Charlie's body had shaken him far more than it should have. It suggested a boldness and intimacy level that he was unaware of, even watching them as closely as he had been. He wondered what else Charlie let Colby do with him, to him--how far Colby was allowed to go.  
  
Don shook his head, trying to clear it. It shouldn't matter. Charlie was more than capable of making his own decisions, and Don certainly couldn't make any claim to Charlie beyond being brothers. And yet, it did matter.  
  
His emotions swirled, jealousy and confusion mixing in a sickly combination. Looking at his fridge, Don considered getting as drunk as possible and then spending the next day sleeping it off. He didn't want to really remember the last few hours, the way Charlie had looked in the low light or the fact that Don was still a temptation for him. He didn't want to remember the faint hope that Charlie would stay there, pressed against him in that fort and sleep contentedly at his side.  
  
With a sigh, he shut the refrigerator door and instead took a cold shower and went to bed.  
  
He spent his day off by himself. He went for a run, watched some TV and tried not to think about Charlie and Colby.  
  
At work the next day he made sure not to snap at his team, even if he was feeling cranky. He caught himself looking at Colby a few times, wondering if Charlie had marked Colby the way Colby had marked his brother.  
  
As the week passed, he kept an even closer eye on Charlie, scanning whatever skin was visible constantly for marks. Every time he saw Charlie and Colby together, he tried to follow Colby's eyes, looking for any sign that Colby was thinking about or remembering any other marks. He knew he was obsessing, fixating on the idea that the two of them had exchanged something so personal, but he didn't stop. He even considered trying to catch a glimpse of Colby's skin as he changed in the locker room. Something was deeply wrong with him. Something had changed, and he didn't know what. Or perhaps he did and he was too horrified to name it.  
  
By the time the night for dinner with Charlie and Colby rolled around, Don was too twisted up inside to even consider it. He made an excuse about needing to catch up on paperwork to his father and then headed straight for his apartment. He tried to distract himself, but all he could see was Charlie sitting on the couch, his bruised flesh peaking at him from under his shirt. Flopping onto the couch, he stared at the dead TV. A knock at the door startled him sometime later, and Don was surprised to find he'd been sitting there for over two hours as he got up to answer it.  
  
"Charlie?" he said. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I brought you some food," Charlie said, brushing past him on the way into his apartment. He set the bag down on the coffee table. "How come you didn't come to dinner tonight?"  
  
"I'm sorry. Something came up and there was all this paperwork and--"  
  
"Don't. That may work with Dad but it's not going to work with me. This was _important_ to me, Don. And you knew it. So either you knew and didn't care or something else is going on."  
  
"Of course I cared," Don said. "I'm just not very good company right now." He sat down heavily on the couch.  
  
"Why not? Don, come on. This is the way you get when you're beating yourself up over a tough case, but things have been quiet. Stop making excuses and just tell me what's going on. You haven't been yourself for weeks."  
  
"I couldn't stand to be in the same room with you and Colby, okay? I--"  
  
Charlie sat next to him. "What? Suddenly you have a problem with me dating Colby?"  
  
"Yes! Because you're supposed be with _me_!"  
  
Charlie blanched and went very still. "Be very careful with what you say in the next few minutes, Don," he said, voice low and angry.  
  
Don rubbed his hands over his face, not quite able to believe he'd just said that out loud. "The fact is, Charlie," he said quietly, "I'm jealous of Colby because he has you and I don't. I'm... I love you."  
  
Clenching his fists, Charlie stood and started to pace around Don's small living room. "You're not seriously doing this to me, are you? You're the one who pushed us together. You're the one who was worried that I was going to break his heart. Now, after I've finally been able to find some happiness, _now_ you figure this out? And how sure are you this is even about me? How much of this is about now Colby's playing with your toy and you want it back?"  
  
"This is about you, Charlie," Don said, his voice laced with misery. "And I know you're angry and that this is unfair, but look at me. Would I be this way over some petty possessiveness?" He stood and crossed to Charlie. "I--I want to be the one who's leaving marks behind on your skin. I want to know you that deeply, that intimately. I want--fuck--I want you, all of you, and I know I am far, far too late."  
  
"So what happened, Don? You just--what? Woke up and decided you were gay?"  
  
Don wrapped his arms around himself and moved to the other side of the room, but he didn't sit down again. "There've been a few men, in the past," he admitted haltingly, not able to look at Charlie. "When I played baseball."  
  
"So why now? Why when things are finally going good for me, _why_ , Don?"  
  
"I don't know, Charlie. Maybe it took seeing you with someone else for me to realize what I'd been missing? I don't--I don't expect anything from you. And I _am_ glad that you're happy. The last thing I want to do is ruin that for you."  
  
"If that were true you wouldn't have said anything."  
  
Don looked at the floor. "I'm sorry. I thought you didn't want me to make any more excuses."  
  
"I don't. But Don--" Charlie sank into the armchair. Here was Don, the one person he loved more than anything, the one person he knew better than anyone else, telling him that the impossible had just occurred. Don loved him. Don _wanted_ him. "Don, what am I supposed to do now?"  
  
"I don't know, Charlie. Do you love him? Or think you could?"  
  
"I think I do love him a little. He's an amazing man, and I am so lucky to have him. Problem is, I still love you, too. And as long as I do, I can't ever love him completely."  
  
"But you could love me completely even if you love him? It would be easier, with Colby."  
  
"Don, no matter who else was in my life, they were always going to pale in comparison to you," Charlie said. "Colby's great, but he was always going to be in second place."  
  
"So what do you want to do?" Don asked softly.  
  
"I don't know, Don. Colby's done nothing but try to love me as best as he can in all my imperfections. He doesn't deserve to be tossed aside for whatever this is between us. I don't even know whether, for you, wanting me and having me are the same thing. Do you even know if you're willing to act on these feelings of yours?"  
  
"I...I don't know." Don finally sat down again, sinking down into the center of the couch. He looked up a little when Charlie shifted to sit next to him.  
  
"You need to figure that out, Don," Charlie said, placing a tentative hand on his knee.  
  
"I know," he whispered. He sighed. "You still pissed?"  
  
"No," Charlie sighed. "I remember how confusing it was when I first realized how I felt about you. I just wish you'd figured this out a month and a half ago, before Colby and I had really gotten started."  
  
"Me too. I'm sorry, Charlie. I just--think it took seeing you guys together."  
  
Charlie's hand was a warm weight on top of his knee, and Don carefully placed his hand over it. He stroked the back of Charlie's hand with his thumb, making Charlie shiver next to him.  
  
"Don... please."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Charlie pulled away. "You can't do this. You can't touch me like that and then say you're not sure. It's cruel."  
  
Don looked at Charlie huddled on the couch, need and misery lining his body. He wanted so badly to take him in his arms, hold him and comfort him, kiss all his pain away. _Kiss his pain away_ , Don repeated to himself. There, he supposed, was his answer.  
  
Slowly, he slid close to Charlie again and ran a hand up his arm. Gently, not at all sure that Charlie wouldn't suddenly pull away, Don cupped his face and pulled him forward, pressing their lips together in a soft, achingly sweet kiss.  
  
Charlie hesitantly returned the kiss. "You're sure?"  
  
"Yes," Don said, taking Charlie's hand and pressing his lips to the fingers. He looked up at Charlie through lowered lashes. It hadn't escaped him that he'd put Charlie in an impossible situation, needing to choose between what he'd always wanted and the good thing he already had. "Does that help? Do you know what you want to do?"  
  
Charlie was silent for a moment. He didn't want to hurt Colby, but if he was going to be with Don there was no way he could avoid it.  
  
"This can't just be a 'try it and see' thing, Don. You have to be absolutely sure that this is what you want, that I'm what you want. If I end things with Colby for you, I can't go back. If you were to decide later on that you'd made a mistake, I don't think I could ever forgive you for that. This is it for me. So, I need you to be sure." He placed Don's hand back on his own knee. "So maybe you should think about it. At least over night. Really think about what you're committing to. Legally, morally...we'd have to hide, always. Lie to friends, lie to Dad."  
  
Don squeezed Charlie's hand. "You're right. This is a big decision for both of us and it's not something that should be rushed into. What I do know is that I've never experienced something like this before. I've never felt like this for someone before. And that--that counts for a lot. I promise to give this the thought that it deserves, okay? Just--tell me you love me."  
  
"Of course I love you, Don."  
  
Impulsively, Don leaned forward and pulled Charlie into another kiss. "I love you, too."  
  
Charlie smiled, relieved. "So... we'll talk tomorrow?"  
  
"Definitely." Don stood and walked with Charlie to the door. "Whatever happens next, Charlie, I promise we'll still be brothers, okay? And I really am sorry my timing sucks."  
  
"Yeah. Me too."  
  
Don winced and nodded. He deserved that. "I'll call you tomorrow," he said, opening the door for Charlie and seeing him out. When they were safely separated, Don leaned against the door, resisting the temptation to bang his head against it. This whole situation was beyond fucked up and it was all his fault.  
  
Moving back into the living room, Don sat on the couch to start thinking. He didn't want Colby to be hurt, and he didn't want to force Charlie into hurting him. But he didn't want to stay and watch Colby and Charlie falling deeper and deeper in love, either. He supposed he could transfer, let Charlie be happy without him. Or he could stay and love Charlie completely, the way he wanted to, which meant a lifetime of lies and deceit and living with the knowledge of what he was doing day after day. An impossible choice. Certainly an impossible choice on an empty stomach. With a sigh, he dug into the food that Charlie had brought for him.  
….  
  
Charlie started the drive back home feeling a little dazed. Of all the things he'd been expecting when he drove to Don's apartment, that hadn't been it. He loved Don, was in love with him, had been for--forever. But he didn't want to hurt Colby. And leaving him for Don would be absolutely unfair. Cruel. But...what was the alternative? It was one thing when he thought he might learn to love Colby differently than he loved Don, something else again when it turned out he might be able to have what he'd always wanted with Don.  
  
….  
  
The question Don had to ask himself, he reasoned, was whether he could commit to Charlie (and with it the life he'd need to lead) the way that he needed to. Charlie was right; it couldn't just be a fling. There was too much at stake for both of them to risk on not being sure.  
  
He put the fork down on his plate as he continued to turn his thoughts over in his head. There didn't seem to be any question left on whether he would act on his desire. Kissing Charlie had been good; good enough that he wanted to _keep_ kissing him, good in a way that nothing previous had been. It had something to do with intimacy and familiarity, knowing that Charlie knew him so well and loved him anyway. He needed that in his life, and he didn't think he was likely to find it anywhere else.  
  
But what about Colby? None of this was fair to him, and Don wasn't sure Charlie would be able to go through with hurting him, even to get what he'd wanted for so long. He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. He'd have to leave the answer to that question to Charlie. For himself, he knew he would promise Charlie forever if it meant that there'd be at least one person in his life that would love him no matter what.  
  
….  
  
And what was he going to say to Colby anyway? No, you weren't wrong, things were going great. Yes, there is someone else and no, I can't ever tell you who?  
  
Charlie slept lightly, restlessly. He was going to break someone's heart. He was going to break his own heart, because he'd have to hurt someone he loved.  
  
….  
  
Don tried looking at the situation in as many ways as possible, challenging himself on every point, but the answer he kept coming up with was yes. Yes, he loved Charlie. Yes, he was ready to make Charlie his own. And yes, he was ready to commit to him completely. He was even ready for the eventuality that Charlie would decide to stay with Colby; in a way, it'd be poetic for Don to suffer the same unrequited love that Charlie had dealt with alone and in secret.  
  
His decision made, Don cleaned up quickly and eased himself into bed. Sleep still eluded him as he tried to predict Charlie's ultimate response, switching between despair and hope over and over. The morning finally came, and Don pried himself back out of bed. It was going to be a long day.  
  
Don called Charlie early, before he was even really up and ready to head to the office. Charlie answered on the second ring. "Yes," he said without preamble. "Yes to it all. Yes to you. I love you and I want to be with you always. But if you can't, if you want to stay with Colby, I understand. It'd be the least of what I deserve after putting you through this."  
  
"It's not about deserving, Don. And if I'm with Colby it won't be as some sort of--punishment for you."  
  
"No, I know. I just--I want you to do whatever is going to make you the happiest, and if that's Colby and not me then I'll accept it."  
  
"I don't know, Don. I've been trying to figure it out but--this isn't a choice I ever contemplated."  
  
Don took a deep breath. His heart was racing. "You need more time."  
  
"Yes. I'm sorry."  
  
"No, it's okay. I understand. I'll--just be here when you're ready," Don said, forcing himself to relax his grip on the phone. "I love you."  
  
"I love you, too."  
  
Don hung up the phone, not entirely sure what to do with himself now. He considered calling out of work so he didn't have to face Colby. But that would raise more red flags than anything. Instead, he put on his best blank face to hide the inner turmoil and finished getting ready. Charlie hadn't said how much more time he would need, but Don could be patient. If it took days or weeks, even months, he'd show Charlie how important all this was to him and that he was willing to wait for as long as it took.  
  
Charlie did call in sick. He wasn't up to facing other people right now, even people entirely unrelated to his dilemma. He loved Don and Colby both. If he was with Colby, Don was always going to be a constant temptation. He was his brother, of course he'd be around. He'd drop by for dinner; he worked with him; he'd see him on holidays. The only way to get away from temptation would be to move, which would mean giving up his dad, Larry, the rest of Don's team, his students, his home. It would mean tearing Colby away too, and without a real explanation. Besides, they were far from being close enough in their relationship to ask for that level of sacrifice, even if it was one he was willing to make. But could he see Don every day and not wonder? Maybe. Doubtful.  
  
And Colby? If he were with Don would Colby be the same kind of temptation? Maybe not. Probably not, at least, not after a while. But with Colby he wouldn't have to hide as much. And Don, Don thought he loved him, and maybe he did, but he could still have a normal life. Charlie could have an almost normal life. Being gay wasn't easy, but it was easier than loving your brother.  
  
….  
  
Don sank into his chair in the office. He looked at the phone and resisted the urge to call Charlie; he had a feeling he was going to be doing a lot of that over the next few days.  
  
"Hey Don," Colby said, coming up behind him and making him jump. "Whoa, sorry. You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, just--tired. What's up?"  
  
Colby perched on the edge of Don's desk. "Did everything go okay with you and Charlie last night? He was supposed to call me after he left your place, but I haven't heard from him and his phone is off."  
  
Don swallowed hard, hoping his expression was as neutral as he was trying to make it. "It was a late night. I felt bad for missing dinner, so we hung out for awhile, had a few beers. He's probably just sacked out. I'm-I'm sure he'll call you later."  
  
"But he's alright? Amita said he called in sick."  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, he's fine," Don lied. "He said he had some kind of math...thing. You know how he gets when he has an idea."  
  
Colby looked skeptical but evidentially decided it wasn't worth arguing with his boss.  
  
Don breathed a sigh of relief as Colby let the matter drop.  
  
….  
  
Over the next couple days, Don watched as Colby grew more and more tense the longer Charlie didn't make contact. He wanted to say something to him to comfort him, try to let him know that it was going to be okay, but he didn't know what. Truth was, he wasn't sure it was going to be okay, for either of them.  
  
Charlie didn't like avoiding Don or Colby. It wasn't fair, especially to Colby, who had no idea what was going on. Finally he called Colby, deciding he had to be honest, at least to as much as he could be.  
  
"Charlie!" Colby answered, relief evident in his voice. "What's going on? I was worried about you."  
  
"I'm sorry. I was--I'm sorry. Are you free tonight?"  
  
"Yeah, absolutely," Colby said, frowning as a sense of dread washed over him. "Come over for dinner." He paused, swallowing hard. "Charlie, what's wrong?"  
  
"There's something I need to tell you. I know how that sounds and I'm sorry, but--I need to talk to you and in person."  
  
Colby did his best to swallow his panic, but he was sure Charlie was still going to hear it in his voice. "Okay. Sure. I'll--meet you at my place then." They hung up and Colby looked at the clock. Nothing to do then but wait.  
  
….  
  
Charlie was sitting on his doorstep when he got home that night. He looked pale. "I didn't want you to have to wait."  
  
Colby pulled him up and into a deep, fierce kiss. "Please, Charlie, tell me what's going on," he murmured.  
  
"Can--can we go inside?" Charlie asked, misery in every line of his body.  
  
"Of course." Colby opened the door for him and they stood awkwardly in the living room for a moment before Colby pulled him over to the sofa. He ran his fingers through Charlie's curls. "Talk to me."  
  
"Before we got involved there was a man I had strong feelings for. And I didn't think he'd ever feel the same way about me so I learned to live with that and tried to move on with my life."  
  
Colby dropped his hand, but he resisted shifting away from Charlie. He'd have had to be deaf to not hear the 'but' in Charlie's voice. "And that's changed now, right?"  
  
"Believe me, no one was more surprised than me."  
  
Colby searched Charlie's face, hoping against hope that he'd find something other than a goodbye there. His heart stuttered in his chest. "And... you want to be with him. You're saying goodbye?"  
  
"No. I don't know what I want to do. Except that I know I'm being unfair to you and it's cruel to delay a decision. You make me happy, Colby. I _like_ being with you."  
  
"I like being with you, too, Charlie. A lot. But..." Colby took a deep breath. "But if you think you could be happier with this other man, then that's what I want for you."  
  
Charlie gave him a small smile. "You know, I really don't deserve you. At all." Colby would have been well within his rights to be beyond pissed, hurt and betrayed. He could have demanded a name. But he hadn't done any of that.  
  
"No, you don't," Colby said, aiming for light but falling flat. "Look, I don't _want_ you to go. I want you to stay with me. I--I love you, Charlie. But I'm not going to stand in the way of you being truly happy. You'd end up miserable and hating me, and what we tried to hold on to would die in the end anyway. If we're going to end, I don't want it to be in a screaming match. I'd rather remember how lucky I was to have you for as long I as did."  
  
Charlie blinked and looked away, eyes burning. It would have been easier if Colby had been angry. He would have been angry, if their positions were reversed. "I'm afraid that whatever I do will be the wrong decision."  
  
"Or maybe whatever you do will be the right one," Colby said, quietly. He took Charlie's hand and held it in his gently. "I can't tell you what to do. I hope you'll choose to stay with me. I think we have something good going here. But if you do decide to go, I'll miss you deeply and it'll hurt for a while. Still, I can always hope that maybe someday you'll come back to me."  
  
Charlie shivered as Colby picked up his hand and pressed his lips to his fingers in almost a perfect mirror of what Don had done.  
  
"This is real," Charlie said softly. "That other thing, maybe it is, maybe it's not. But this--this is real."  
  
"Charlie," Colby started, "I don't want you to be constantly wondering what might have been with this other guy. I don't think I could bear it, always wondering if the next day is the day you're going to leave me. If--if he's what you've wanted, then I think you have to find out for sure one way or another. You can't be with me, not really, until you're certain you can't be with him."  
  
With an effort, Colby let go of Charlie's hand and shifted so he was no longer pressed against him. "I just hope he has some clue of how lucky he is. I hope he deserves you." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and looked at the floor. It was easier than looking at Charlie. Letting go was the right thing to do; it had to be Charlie's decision whether to stay and for that he needed all the facts. And it hadn't escaped him that Charlie hadn't said he loved him back. Didn't keep it from hurting like hell.  
  
He couldn't just try it out with Don, even if he wanted to. It would change the nature of their relationship too profoundly. "How can I be with him when all I'll think about is you?"  
  
Colby smirked, wishing he could really believe that. "Goes both ways. How can you be with me if all you'll think about is him?" He glanced at Charlie, seeing how miserable the whole situation was making him.  
  
"He's not all I think about. He was at one time, and maybe if he'd realized all this before I started falling for you things would be different."  
  
Colby's breath caught as a small balloon of hope inflated his chest. "I don't know what to say. I don't want to lose you. But if you were to stay with me now and then leave me in a month? Or a year? I don't know how I'd handle it. This hurts like hell, but we haven't been together that long yet. I'd manage. But knowing that we had something and it wasn't enough?" Colby shook his head and took a deep breath. "This man... do you love him?"  
  
"Yes," he said quietly.  
  
"I see," Colby replied, just as quietly. It felt like someone had just kicked him in the stomach. "It's your decision, Charlie, but if you love him and he loves you back, then you should be with him. It's incredibly special to find someone in this world to love. Don't throw that away."  
  
"What about what I'd be throwing away with us? You love me and I love you. The thing with him isn't necessarily better just because it's been there longer."  
  
Colby finally lifted his head and looked at Charlie again. Charlie loved him. He'd actually said the words, not just implied it. Colby bit his lip, and then he pulled Charlie into a kiss, putting all of his love and passion into it. "Stay with me," he whispered, low and urgent.  
  
"Yes," Charlie whispered. Because Don--Don might be real. But he _knew_ that this was. And even if Don did love him, he seemed to fall in and out of love with alarming speed.  
  
"And the other guy? You tell him you're mine?" Colby asked tentatively, stroking his hands up and down Charlie's back.  
  
"I'll tell him I'm staying with you."  
  
Colby looked at Charlie closely, nodding. He wasn't going to make any pledges or promises, but he was going to stay. For now. It wasn't everything Colby wanted, but it was a start. And if things didn't work out, if Charlie changed his mind, Colby'd be devastated. That was the risk he was willing to take.  
  
"Do you want to stay here tonight?" he asked gently.  
  
"I should tell him now," Charlie said softly. Before he lost his nerve. And he would need to grieve the loss of that relationship so he could focus fully on this one. "But I'll come by tomorrow night, if that's okay with you."  
  
"That's fine. More than fine," Colby said, not quite ready to relinquish his hold on Charlie. He stroked his hands up and down Charlie's back a few more times. Then, with a deep breath, he shifted away. "I'll see you tomorrow night."  
  
He gave Colby a bittersweet smile and one last kiss before driving to Don's place. He had to stay in the parking lot for a few minutes, trying to control his shaking.  
  
Don knew the moment he saw his face. "You're staying."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Don's face crumpled and emotions flashed across it quickly, anger and sadness and resentment and despair, until it finally settled on resigned. "Come in," he said quietly, shutting the door behind Charlie. They sat on opposite ends of the couch and looked at each other for long moments. What else was there to say?  
  
"I'm not going to stop loving you, Charlie," Don said. "You're probably the love of my life. And Colby is a very lucky guy." His breath hitched, just slightly, and he dropped his eyes from Charlie's gaze.  
  
He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to tell Don that in the end it had come down to belief, and trust. He believed Colby when he said he loved him, would continue to love him. But Don... Don had a history of thinking he was in love with someone only to change his mind. So when Don said he was in love with Charlie, he believed that Don believed it, but he didn't trust that it would last. After a moment he said, "I hope you're wrong, Don."  
  
Pain flashed behind Don's eyes, but it was gone almost as fast as it had come. Deep down, he knew that Charlie was just expressing a desire for Don to one day find the happiness that he had. "I'm not," Don said quietly. He looked longingly at Charlie, eyes raking over his frame once as if he was memorizing it, and then he looked away again.  
  
"We're still going to be brothers, right? I'll still see you at the house, you'll come over to hang out with me now and then?"  
  
"Yes, Don, of course. You're still my brother."  
  
Nodding, Don swallowed and forced back the tears he could feel threatening. He wanted to beg Charlie to stay, get him to reconsider, but he didn't. "Good. That's... good. I guess that's all there is to say, really. I--I promise, the next time you have Colby at the house for a family dinner I'll show up. And I'll do everything I can to make sure you two are happy, support you... just, promise me one thing?"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Promise me, every once in a while, when we're alone... promise you'll tell me you love me?"  
  
"I'll try." Because it was the best he could offer. If things were going to work with Colby he had to let go of his feelings for Don. And if Don were going to move on he couldn't be hung up on Charlie.  
  
"Okay," Don said. He supposed he was going to have to learn to take what little he could get, now. There was nothing else for him to say, and he didn't want to fall apart in front of Charlie, so he stood and walked to the door. "Goodnight, Charlie," he said, holding the door open for him. They did not touch.  
  
Charlie nodded and bit his lip. He turned before Don could close the door and said, "Don? This isn't goodbye, okay? Just goodnight."  
  
Gulping, Don nodded, not trusting his voice enough to be able to say anything. When the door was shut and he heard Charlie's footsteps moving down the hallway, Don sat down hard on the floor in the entranceway and wept.  
  
Charlie waited until he got home and was safely ensconced in his own bed before he let the tears fall. He had to convince himself that it didn't matter if he loved Don as much as he loved Colby, it would never work. With Colby there was a chance it might actually work out.  
  
Don wasn't sure how long he sat on the floor, but he stayed where he was until the crying stopped. Slowly, he picked himself up and moved into the kitchen. He'd been prepared for the eventuality that Charlie would choose to stay with Colby. He grabbed the bottle of Scotch he'd purchased and a glass.  
  
The next day, hungover and still aching in his heart, Don did his best to hide everything away from his team. He knew he wasn't entirely successful when Colby walked up to him and said, "You look like hell."  
  
"Look who's talking," Don shot back. "What happened to you?"  
  
Colby shook his head. "Nothing. Just some bumpiness with Charlie, that's all. I think we got it sorted out. I hope so."  
  
"Yeah? I hope so, too," Don said, his stomach sinking with the lie. He forced the next words out. "He seems really happy with you. I'm glad."  
  
"Yeah?" He hesitated, but Don was still his boss, and it wasn't his place to bring up Charlie's other man, so he said nothing.  
  
Don waited to see if Colby would say anything more and when he didn't, Don let the matter go. Charlie had made his choice, and there was nothing he could do to change it.


	4. Chapter 4

It took a while, but as time passed, Don eased into something of a normal, routine existence. As the weeks became months, it slowly got easier to see Charlie and Colby together and happy. In a strange way, they suited each other, and Don enjoyed how much Charlie smiled. Eventually, he was even able to touch Charlie casually again and be touched in return, though sometimes a touch or a smile would still send a shock through his system.  
  
At work, Don kept an extra eye on Colby, making sure he didn't work too hard, actually took time off so that he and Charlie could vacation together, and watched out for him during dangerous situations. Colby made Charlie happy, and that had become Don's primary reason to exist. He wasn't going to let anything happen to Colby if he could prevent it. He could at least do that much for them.  
  
All the nights alone were the hardest thing to get used to, and sometimes the only way he was able to get any rest was to sleep at the house just so he'd be near to Charlie. It didn't happen much anymore, though, and he was able to take care of the rest of the urges himself. Women, and once or twice a man, had offered, but Don hadn't been interested. There was only one person for him, now, even if Charlie never knew it.  
  
Without realizing it, three years had gone by and Charlie and Colby were still going strong, though they hadn't taken things to the next level yet. Colby had a drawer in Charlie's dresser and there was an extra toothbrush at the house, but that was all. Now though, with the letter he was idly fingering as he headed to Colby's desk, it looked like that was about to change.  
  
He dropped the paper in front of Colby. "You've been promoted," he said with a smile. "They want you to run your own team in Atlanta. Congratulations."  
  
Colby was immediately overwhelmed by several strong and contradictory emotions: surprise, satisfaction, relief, anticipation, joy and dread. "I uh--was this--did you--thanks."  
  
"Don't thank me," Don said with a grin. "This is all down to you and your hard work. And maybe a letter or two sent to the right people." He dropped Colby a wink and then instinctively lowered his voice. He didn't really need to, almost everyone knew about Charlie and Colby by now, but it was still a wise precaution. "Guess you and Charlie will have something to talk about tonight."  
  
Don was happy for Colby, he really was. Colby more than deserved the promotion and Don was glad for his small role in helping get it. But knowing that Don would now lose the ability to support Charlie, be near him and with him, was still hard. The old feelings of loss resurfaced and Don fought them back down again.  
  
Colby's smile faded a little. "Yeah. I uh--" They'd talked about moving in together but it never seemed to happen. "Atlanta, huh?"  
  
"Atlanta," Don confirmed, patting Colby on the shoulder. "C'mon man, I thought you'd be excited."  
  
"No, I am, Don," Colby said. "This is fantastic, really. I'm sure Charlie will be excited, too." His voice was hollow and he knew it, but if Don picked up on it, he didn't say anything. "How soon do they expect me?"  
  
"Three weeks," Don said. "I know it's not a lot of time to get everything together and move, but you know how it is."  
  
"Yeah," Colby said, "I know how it is." Don patted him on the shoulder again and drifted away, leaving Colby to pick up the phone and call Charlie. "Hey, it's me," he said when Charlie answered. "I have some good news. I've been promoted. They want me to lead my own team in Atlanta."  
  
There was a moment of silence. Elation almost immediately turned to dread. He would have to leave his home, his family, his job, his community. Don. "That's great, Colby. Congratulations," Charlie said, trying to mean it.  
  
"Thanks," Colby said, hearing the hesitation in Charlie's voice. "Listen, we should talk tonight about this, about what we want to do. They need me out there in three weeks."  
  
" _Three weeks_?" Charlie repeated, irrationally furious with Don for not giving him some warning.  
  
"Yeah, I know. Not much time to get everything sorted out. But that's government work for you. Don just told me today, probably because he just got the notification today. I can try to ask for more time, but..." Colby shrugged at the phone. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't apologize. It's just--it's kind of a shock, that's all. Not that you'd get promoted of course, but..."  
  
"I know," Colby said quietly. "Come over tonight. We'll have a glass of wine and we'll talk, okay?"  
  
"I'll see you then. And Colby, I really am happy for you."  
  
"Thanks, dear one," Colby said, smiling. "See you tonight." He hung up the phone and sighed. Charlie was happy for him, but was he happy for _them_? They'd talked around the idea of moving in together so many times and after three years, they still hadn't made the leap. Deep down, he didn't honestly expect Charlie to make the change now, knowing how Charlie was with change to begin with.  
  
....  
  
Charlie tried to go back to work, but his thoughts kept swirling away. He loved Colby and he wanted him to be happy and successful. He wanted to be with him, but leaving everything he had behind was a gut-wrenching thought. He'd have to sell the house, first of all, and after everything he'd done to get the house, upgrade it, make it green, the last thing he wanted was to see it in the hands of a stranger. That had been the family home for so long, and he'd finally come to see it the way his dad did. And then there was Dad himself, and his students, and Larry and Amita, and Don.  
  
Don had been a constant, steady presence in his life for the last several years, keeping him close even though it must have been agony for him to see him with Colby. He'd kept his word and done everything he could to make sure the two of them were happy. Every now and then, Charlie would catch a fleeting look of longing or need on Don's face, but neither of them ever said anything about it. Don still loved him.  
  
Charlie's eyes went wide as he came to the realization. Three years and Don still loved him. But this conversation he was about to have with Colby, it couldn't be about Don, not like that. He'd been good, for three years. Most of the time he managed not to think about Don in that way. Sometimes, in the dark of night it would come back to him and sometimes, very, very rarely, he let it be the image of Don that would get him off when he was alone.  
  
But he tried to be a good brother. To hang out, to help out, tried to set him up with some nice women, and once even a nice man because he wanted Don to be happy. And maybe this would help even more, if he moved. If he _could_ move. Because he didn't want to. He didn't want to leave his home and his family and his work and his--nearly everything, but he didn't want to lose Colby either.  
  
….  
  
Colby was a little relieved to get to the apartment first. He pulled out a bottle of wine and opened it, pouring two glasses. Then, he looked around his apartment, calculating. He could sell off most of the furniture. It wasn't new, but it was still useful and he was sure someone would take it. That only left him his few personal possessions, a couple pots and pans, and bed linens to pack. He didn't see any reason he couldn't be out there early if he needed to so he could find an apartment and buy some new stuff. Charlie would take longer and have more things to move, but part of him--most of him--didn't expect him to come with him. Don and the work he did for Don, his family, his work... these were all the things that made up Charlie. How could he even ask him to leave them all behind, just for him? He didn't doubt that they were in love; he didn't doubt that Charlie would _offer_ to make the move. But he did doubt that Charlie could ever be happy with him in Atlanta.  
  
Charlie's key turned in the lock, and Colby was right there with the wine, holding it out to him. "Hi," he said, forcing a smile onto his face.  
  
"Hey." Charlie smiled and gave Colby a quick kiss.  
  
"So, Atlanta," Colby said, sitting with Charlie on the couch. He slung an arm casually around his shoulders. He took a deep breath, trying to form what he wanted to say next so he didn't hurt Charlie. "You know how much I love you, and I want you to come with me. But your family, your students... your life is here. Much as I don't want to lose you, I can't ask you to make that sacrifice."  
  
"Colby, are you--breaking up with me?"  
  
"No," Colby said. "No, I'm giving you a way out if you want it. Because I know you. I know you'll want to stay with me. You'd probably follow me all the way to Atlanta, but it'd tear you open to leave that house, your family, your friends, your career behind. All I've ever wanted to do is take care of you, and I know you'd be miserable if you came with me. I couldn't bear that."  
  
"Colby--" he didn't know what to say. Ever since Colby's call he'd been thinking about the problems a move would create. His Dad was still in good health, but getting older. He didn't want to sell the house but his dad couldn't maintain it by himself, which would mean hiring someone or convincing Don to move in.  
  
The math community in Atlanta was just not what it was in LA.  
  
And while being gay in LA wasn't always easy, it would be easier than Atlanta. Sure, Atlanta was a city and therefore probably more liberal than other parts of the state, but still. Here there was some protection because Charlie was the boss' brother and if anyone made comments they'd have to deal with Don. In Atlanta, well, Colby would have to work to prove himself to earn that kind of respect. "I don't want to lose you."  
  
"I know, dear one," Colby said, stroking Charlie's curls. "But you can't follow me, and we both know it."  
  
"So how do we make this work?" Charlie asked softly, his heart breaking. He couldn't ask Colby to give up this opportunity, any more than apparently Colby could ask him to give up his life to follow him south.  
  
Colby turned and captured Charlie's lips in a deep, thorough kiss, licking away all traces of the wine Charlie had been steadily sipping. When he pulled back, he looked in Charlie's eyes. "We could try flying back and forth to see each other, keep up the e-mails and phone calls, but I think we know it wouldn't work. One of us would get busy and swamped and then next week turns into next month, and next month turns into whenever. I don't want that for us. I'd rather have these weeks together, perfect and lovely, days that I can hold on to when I'm lonely than that."  
  
He bit his lip, trying to keep the tears he could feel inside, but they spilled over anyway. There wasn't any point in trying to hide how this was breaking his heart, how a part of him was dying to know he was going to leave the man he loved behind.  
  
"There has to be a way," Charlie said stubbornly.  
  
"Charlie..." Colby said indulgently, "if there was, I know you'd be the one to come up with it. But you know there isn't." He picked up Charlie's hand and squeezed it. "Do this for me. Give me these weeks, and then let me go."  
  
Charlie bit his lip hard, eyes burning. He had to swallow several times but finally he nodded. "If you're sure."  
  
Colby's heart broke wide open then, and he pulled Charlie into a tight embrace, letting his tears fall unheeded. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."  
  
"Me too," Charlie said, his voice choked. He didn't bother trying to hold the tears back any more.  
  
....  
  
They made sad, sweet love there on the couch and again in the bedroom, and after, Colby laid awake looking at Charlie, memorizing the lines of his body in the low light. In the morning, Colby dragged Charlie into the shower with him, sucking him down as the water sliced down his skin until Charlie was shuddering and moaning his name.  
  
As they dried off, Colby took Charlie's hands. "Do you have any vacation time coming?"  
  
"Yeah. I have a few weeks stored up. Why?"  
  
"How much time can you take on short notice? I want to spend as much time with you as possible."  
  
"Amita can cover for me. She'll understand," Charlie said immediately. He moved forward and kissed Colby deeply. "Let's call out right now, go back to bed."  
  
Laughing, Colby wrapped his arms around Charlie, deftly removing the towel Charlie had wrapped around his waist.  
  
....  
  
Later, as they sat together on the couch, their hands stroking still-naked skin, Charlie turned to Colby. "We should tell Don and Dad what's happening, that-that I'm... staying." It was hard for him to say it. It was like Colby had suddenly been diagnosed with a terminal illness and they were saying goodbye. "It's only fair."  
  
"Do you want to have dinner with them tonight? Break it to them as easy as possible?"  
  
"Yeah," Charlie said, nodding. He only hoped he could keep it together in front of them. His dad was going to be so disappointed. "What should we do about telling your family?"  
  
"I don't know," Colby said, sighing. "I guess the best thing to do is call them, each of us on an extension. Mom'll take it badly. I know Alan will, too."  
  
"I'm sorry we can't tell her in person. Colby--promise me you'll try to keep in touch? I can't--I don't want to this to be good-bye forever."  
  
"It won't be. I promise," Colby said, sealing it with a kiss. "I could never leave you completely. Just promise me you'll try to find happiness again? I don't want you to be alone."  
  
Charlie nodded. "You too. And be careful, Colby. Promise me you'll be careful. And if you ever need any help, you know I'll be there."  
  
Colby tightened his arms around Charlie, unashamedly clinging to him. "I will. I promise. C'mon. We had better call Don and Alan, get them together for dinner." He kissed Charlie deeply, slowly extracting his taste and making sure it was thoroughly imprinted on his mind.  
  
Charlie returned the kiss, trying desperately not to wonder how many they would have left between now and the time Colby got on the plane.  
  
….  
  
They cleaned up and managed to corral the rest of the Eppes men together for dinner. Without drawing it out needlessly, they dropped the news almost as soon as they sat down. Alan took it predictably bad, cycling between anger and confusion until Charlie interjected quietly.  
  
"Dad, neither of us want to let go, but we have to. For the sake of each other's happiness. It's the right thing to do, even though it's hard. Please," he said. He took Colby's hand and held it tightly.  
  
Alan sighed and looked at them both. "You can always change your minds."  
  
Charlie bit his lip and nodded; it was the best he was going to get. "Don? You've been quiet."  
  
Don stopped pushing his food around his plate, yanking his swirling thoughts back to the conversation at hand. "You know I've always supported you both. If this is what you think is best, then I'm behind you. And--I'll be here for you if you need anything." He glanced at Charlie and then looked down again.  
  
Charlie wondered, just for a split second, if this was part of some plan. But he immediately dismissed the thought as unworthy. Don had never been anything but supportive.  
  
Don glanced at Charlie from time to time during the meal, wondering what the hell had just happened. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. Charlie was supposed to go and live his life with Colby and be happy. He wasn't going to deny that his chest felt lighter knowing that he wasn't going to lose his brother and the man he loved all at the same time. He'd put his strongest feelings for Charlie away for so long, he hardly dared to let them even leak out now. And he wasn't going to fool himself that Charlie had stayed for him in any way.  
  
After dinner, he did the dishes with Charlie, even though he could see him rushing through the task to get back to Colby. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "And I meant what I said. Whatever you need, now, after... all you have to do is ask."  
  
"Thanks." Charlie bit his bottom lip. "It's just--hard. I know this is good for him. I just--" he put the plate down when he noticed his hands were shaking.  
  
Without thinking, Don took Charlie's hands in his and held them until they were steady again. He glanced up, seeing Charlie watching him closely, and felt heat flush through his body. Deliberately, he placed Charlie's hands back on the sink. "Go to him. I'll finish this up," Don said without looking at Charlie again.  
  
"Don..."  
  
"Go on, Charlie," he urged quietly. "Please."  
  
Nodding, Charlie put his hand briefly on Don's shoulder and then slipped away. Don took a deep breath and picked up another plate.  
  
....  
  
The weeks passed quickly, too quickly, though Charlie and Colby did everything they could to slow time down. They spent their days together doing whatever they could think of to keep their minds off Colby's move, and their nights passed in slow love making and desperate, needy fucking.  
  
But no matter what they did, the day of Colby's move still came. Neither of them slept all that much, not wanting to lose even a single moment before they had to let go. The sun came up, bright and clear, and Charlie resented it, feeling like it should have been gray and rainy to match his mood.  
  
"I hate that I can't even go to the terminal with you. You'll call me when you get there, right? When you land?"  
  
"I will," Colby promised, running his hand through Charlie's hair. He pulled him forward and kissed him, deep and passionate. They made love one last time, drawing it out for as long as they could before tipping each other over the edge. Charlie tried not to cry as both of them had to admit they couldn't delay any longer. Colby got up and got dressed as Charlie watched him cover his body for the last time. And then Charlie dressed quickly so he could drive Colby to the airport. They took one last look at the nearly empty apartment. The last of Colby's furniture would be picked up in a couple days and Charlie would hand in the keys for him.  
  
He pulled up to the curb at the airport, helping Colby with his bags. They stood there at the curb looking at each other for a long moment. Colby stepped forward and caressed his face, stroking his thumb over his cheeks softly.  
  
"Don't ever forget how much I love you," Colby whispered. "You have been the best thing to ever happen to me. And this isn't goodbye forever. I'll always be just a phone call away." And he pulled Charlie forward, wrapping his arms tightly around him and kissing him for the last time.  
  
Charlie clung desperately to Colby, inhaling his scent, trying to imprint it into his memory. "I love you. I'm always going to love you." He had to force himself to let go and it was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He bit his lip hard as he watched Colby go and wondered for the millionth time if they were doing the right thing.  
  
He watched for as long as he could and then slid into his car with a sigh. Every part of him ached and he could practically feel his heart disintegrating inside him. Without really thinking about it, he headed for Don's apartment. There was no way he was going to make it all the way home before losing it completely. Don was closer.  
  
Don had been waiting for Charlie, so when there was a soft knock at his door, he was out of the chair and at the door before more than a beat passed. He yanked the door open and sucked in a sharp breath when he looked at his brother. It was clear Charlie was barely holding himself together.  
  
"Don..." Tears filled Charlie's eyes and he swayed dangerously.  
  
Immediately, Don wrapped him in his arms and half dragged him over to the couch. "It's okay. You're safe. Let it out."  
  
Charlie wrapped his arms around Don's waist and did just that, tears stinging his eyes as he let them fall. He curled up in the safety of Don's arms and wept hot, bitter tears. He loved Colby with all his heart and he hated that that wasn't enough, for either of them.  
  
Don stroked Charlie's back and whispered soothing nonsense to him as he let him cry. It was heart-breaking to listen to Charlie's grief, and Don let a few of his own tears fall as well. He wanted to be angry with Colby for leaving Charlie behind, but this was a decision that they had made together. Part of him thought that it wouldn't last, that Charlie would follow Colby to Atlanta regardless of what losses he'd have to endure here. But another part of him was relieved that he wouldn't have to let go of Charlie, not yet, and he hated himself for it.  
  
Charlie's sobs had managed to subside into quiet whimpers of distress by the time Colby called to let him know that he was in Atlanta. Don quietly extracted himself to give them some privacy, and when he returned, the tears were flowing freely again. Sitting down, Don just gathered him into his arms and held him tight. He offered him some food, but Charlie was too upset to eat, and finally, he exhausted himself. Shifting and gathering Charlie up, Don helped Charlie into his bedroom, lying him down and starting to undress him carefully. Warmth briefly bloomed low in his stomach, and Don battled the sensation down again. What he was doing now wasn't about lust or excitement; it was care and attention, nothing more.  
  
"Will you stay?" Charlie asked, voice hoarse from crying all day.  
  
Don gulped. "Sure, buddy. If you want me to." He stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers, mirroring what Charlie had on, and curled up under the covers with him. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around Charlie until they were spooned together. He squeezed him tight. "I know it's painful, but it gets better. It takes time, but it gets better. I promise."  
  
"I miss him," Charlie said softly. "And I hate that we're not together."  
  
"You could always change your mind, follow him," Don said, quietly, trying to keep the hitch out of his voice. "I'd help out Dad, and you'd always just be a phone call away... I'm sure he misses you, too."  
  
"I don't think I'm strong enough," he whispered, glad he was turned on his side because he couldn't face Don right now. "I never understood how you could."  
  
"You'd be surprised what you can do for the people you love," Don murmured, stroking Charlie's hair. He pulled him back against him, pressing their bodies comfortingly together.  
  
In another time it might have turned into an argument because Don's leaving hadn't been about anyone other than Don. It nearly did turn into an argument because anger was easier to deal with than grief. But Charlie wasn't so far gone that he wanted to push everyone else away just so he could be more miserable. Besides, Don had left Kim to come home to them, and it had cost him his almost-wife.  
  
Don could feel the tension in every part of Charlie's body, and he slid his top arm up so he could try to rub Charlie's shoulders. The other arm he kept solidly around Charlie's waist. The massage was awkward and not as effective as if he'd had both hands, but it still seemed to have the desired effect as Charlie's muscles eased a little. "Rest a little," he murmured. "I've got you."  
  
"What if something happens to him, because I'm not there?" Charlie said anxiously. "Or what if I go there and something happens to you?"  
  
He wanted to say something comforting and reassuring, but the truth was, with what he and Colby did, there was always a greater possibility that something bad would happen. "I don't know, Charlie," he said honestly. "What I do know is that Colby and I have been doing this for a long time; we're well trained and we both have good people at our backs. If something did happen to one of us, the chances are high that no one, not even you, could have done something to change it."  
  
"I want him to be happy. I want him to--find someone--not, you know, tomorrow, but I don't want him to be alone. But being gay in LA and being gay in the south..."  
  
"Colby will find a way," Don said. "And I happen to know that there are more gay men in that office than you might expect. I wouldn't have recommended Colby for a team where he wouldn't be safe."  
  
"I know. I know you take care of your people even after they stop technically being your people."  
  
"That is true," Don said, squeezing Charlie again. Most of the tension from his body was completely gone now and Don tucked the covers around them. "Think you can get some sleep?"  
  
"You're not going to leave again, are you?"  
  
Don blinked in the darkness and then wrapped himself even more firmly around Charlie. "No. I'm not going anywhere. My life is here. My life was always here. I just... didn't know it then."  
  
"Good," he said quietly. "Then I think I can sleep."  
  
"Good," Don replied. He stroked Charlie's arm and hip and curls gently until he could feel his brother's breathing even out and become steady. He watched Charlie in the low light coming through the window for a long time until finally he drifted off.  
  
....  
  
The next morning, they were still wound tightly around each other and one of Don's legs had slipped between Charlie's. Don was half awake and he squirmed, sending an unexpected jolt through him that startled him into full wakefulness. He tensed as the realization hit him that his erection was currently nestled neatly between Charlie's boxer-covered cheeks. Without thinking, he shifted again and that same electricity raced up his spine. He could only hope that Charlie hadn't felt anything.  
  
"Don," came the slightly confused, half-asleep voice. "Is that...?"  
  
"Uh, yeah," Don said, deliberately moving his hips back first and then gently extracting himself from Charlie. "Sorry. I'll just..." He looked around desperately for something to cover himself with as Charlie started to roll toward him. He settled on using his own pillow. "I'll be right back." Embarrassed, he headed quickly for the bathroom.  
  
Charlie lay still for a minute, not really sure what to think. His brain never worked quite right when he first woke up. It was a normal physiological response. Happened all the time, didn't mean anything. Except that Don fled instead of laughing it off. And maybe _that_ meant something.  
  
A few more minutes passed and Don finally returned from the bathroom, no longer covering himself with the pillow but still looking deeply embarrassed. "Sorry, that was...I didn't...I'd never..." While Don was trying to complete a sentence, he gestured vaguely between them. Finally, taking a deep breath and then letting it out Don said sheepishly, "I didn't want you to think I was trying to make a move on you or something now that Colby was gone. I wouldn't do that."  
  
"I know you wouldn't. And I'm pretty sure you thought that when he left--I'd go with him," he said softly.  
  
"I was sure you would," Don replied, just as softly. "Not that I was trying to get rid of you," he added quickly. "I just--figured you'd go and be happy. It's what I've always wanted for you." He stood awkwardly away from side of the bed, not quite daring to get back in with Charlie there.  
  
"I know." He gave a small smile. "I should get dressed."  
  
"You don't have to," Don said, mentally cursing. Nothing was coming out right this morning. "I mean, if you want to stay here and rest, you can. It was a rough night last night. I can stay with you. I don't have to be in until later."  
  
Charlie hesitated, then nodded. "Okay." He didn't really want to be alone right now, even for the short drive back to his house. But he was not going to follow Don into work. He had some pride. Or something.  
  
"You hungry?" Don asked. He was willing to bet Charlie hadn't eaten anything before leaving Colby at the airport, and he knew he hadn't had so much as a bite the whole time he'd been there. "I could make something. Or we could go out for some breakfast?"  
  
"French toast?"  
  
Don smiled. French toast was Charlie's compromise between pancakes (which he hated) and eggs (which Don hated), and it made him feel warm even after all this time. "Done," Don said. "I'll make coffee, too, since I know geniuses run on caffeine."  
  
"Yes, yes we do. Thanks, Don. And thanks for letting me stay."  
  
"Of course, Charlie. You're always welcome here. For as long as you like." Don finally stepped forward again, whatever inappropriate thoughts he'd been having now replaced with big brother concern and tenderness.  
  
He reached out and Charlie watched the line of Don's reach, thinking for a moment he might caress his cheek the way Colby did, but Don just ruffled his hair affectionately before heading for the kitchen.  
  
Charlie waited until Don left, then crawled out of bed and got dressed before following him.  
  
Don glanced at Charlie as he walked in, hiding the fleeting look of disappointment that Charlie had put his clothes back on by returning to the eggs and milk mixture he was carefully dipping pieces of bread into. "Should have some ready in just a few minutes," he said casually over his shoulder as Charlie grabbed a cup of coffee and sat at the table.  
  
The meal passed easily enough and Don managed not to make any more accidental double entendres the rest of the time. He offered to have Charlie come into the office with him, see if there was anything he could help with, but Charlie declined.  
  
"I really should go home, get cleaned up," he said quietly. Part of him also couldn't quite bear the thought of walking into the FBI offices and seeing Colby's empty desk, or worse, Colby's desk with someone else sitting in it. Not today.  
  
"Okay," Don said, looking at Charlie intently. "But if you need anything you call me, okay? Especially if you feel the need for P vs. NP. I'll wrestle the chalk away from you myself." He was serious, but there was a soft twinkle in his eye as he said it, too.  
  
"I'll call you," Charlie promised. He wanted to call Colby, too, but the adjustment was going to be hard enough without them torturing themselves by talking every day.  
  
….  
  
It was a week after Colby left before Charlie was able to come to the FBI offices again. And it was over a month before Charlie stopped heading for Colby's old desk and straight for Don's again. The darkness around Charlie's eyes slowly subsided, but he was still quieter than Don liked and there were still sad lines around Charlie's mouth.  
  
They spent a lot of their free time together as the weeks and months passed and Charlie started to heal. Don knew he talked to Colby now and then, but these conversations no longer left Charlie devastated all over again as they had at the beginning. He forced himself to remember that the time they were spending together was about giving Charlie as much support as he could and not about anything else. But every now and then, Charlie gave him a smile that was just for him, a smile like the ones he used to give him before Don knew Charlie loved him, and it made his stomach flip. They made him _want_ so badly that he would have to take a break from whatever it was they were doing and go get himself under control again.  
  
The months passed slowly at first. Charlie still talked to Colby every other week or so. Charlie got to know Colby's new team through Colby's descriptions, and by month five one name had started to come up a little more often. Charlie was pretty sure he picked up on how Colby thought about Thomas, another team leader, before Colby did. It hurt, but he wanted Colby to be happy, and it was good they were moving on. So Charlie encouraged him as subtly as he could, not sure if Colby was ready to admit he had feelings for someone other than him.  
  
By month six Colby had it figured out. He sounded awkward, apologetic, until Charlie smiled (even though Colby couldn't see it) and told him he should ask Thomas out and that he hoped they had a good time. And he did.  
  
He'd thought about dating again himself--he'd had more than one offer--but it had never really appealed to him.  
  
By month seven Charlie knew what he wanted.  
  
He wasn't exactly sure how to go about it, though. It was clear to Charlie that Don had been right, and that even after all this time, he was still in love with him. But neither of them had so much as mentioned the topic for years, he couldn't just casually bring it up now, as much as he was certain that Don was who he wanted in return.  
  
Thinking it over for most of an afternoon, Charlie formed a plan. It took a few hours to get everything together, and even then he had to call David and make sure Don had actually gone home for the night before he put the plan into action. But finally, he was knocking on Don's door and checking himself over one last time as he adjusted the bag of food in his hand.  
  
Don opened the door and started in surprise. "Hey, buddy. What's all this?" Charlie was wearing a deep crimson button-down and grey slacks and one of those smiles that he saved just for Don, making Don's chest tighten and his breath die in the back of his throat.  
  
"This is me asking you out on a date," Charlie said, looking at him a little sheepishly. "But since you and I can't actually go out on a date, I thought I'd bring the date to you."  
  
Stunned, Don reflexively stood aside though his brain was having a hard time catching up. He followed Charlie numbly into the kitchen. "Charlie, you shouldn't tease me like that. If you wanted to have dinner together all you had to do was ask."  
  
Charlie was momentarily shocked but recovered quickly. He'd gone about this all wrong. "I wouldn't joke about this, Don. I'm not that cruel. I'm sorry, I should have said something I just--wasn't sure how to start. This isn't a rebound thing. I care for Colby a great deal, but I'm ready to get on with my life. I would like to try things with you if you're still interested."  
  
Don's knees nearly buckled in shock. He'd so carefully pushed his true feelings for Charlie aside for so long, he was momentarily unable to say anything at all, but he recovered when Charlie shifted uncomfortably. "Charlie, I just--" He stepped forward, putting his hand on Charlie's arm. "You're sure? You said once that if we were together, that'd be it for you. That trying it out wasn't an option. The same goes for me, too."  
  
"I'm sure," Charlie said quietly, solemnly.  
  
Smiling, Don slid his hand up to cup Charlie's face, pulling him forward in a soft, gentle kiss. "It looks like I'm under-dressed for this date," he murmured against Charlie's lips. "I'll be right back."  
  
Charlie gave Don a shy smile that somehow managed to be radiant. "I'll wait right here."  
  
Don hustled out of the kitchen and into his bedroom, stripping his t-shirt as he reached his closet. He reached for a light-blue button-down and shrugged it on over his shoulders. His hands shook so badly, it took him twice as long to get the buttons to go through their holes, but he finally accomplished it and threw on the rest of his clothes, choosing a pair of soft black wool dress pants. Taking a deep breath, Don returned to the kitchen to find Charlie had spread the food out on his kitchen table and managed to unearth a pair of candles from somewhere. "Wow. Charlie..." he wrapped an arm around his brother's waist. "This is amazing. Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome. I wanted it to be special."  
  
"It is," Don took Charlie's hand and squeezed it. "This is really happening, right? I'm not imagining it?"  
  
Charlie smiled softly and squeezed Don's hand back. "It's happening. I'm here. I'm right here."  
  
"I never thought--" Don shook his head. "I'm not sure what to do. I never thought we'd actually have this chance."  
  
"How about we start with having dinner?"  
  
Taking a deep breath, Don nodded.  
  
"I'm sorry I just sort of sprang this on you. I really wasn't sure--I mean I thought you still felt the same but--"  
  
"I did. I mean, I do. I've just been working so hard at controlling it... I am really glad you're here and that you did this." Don took Charlie's hand at the table, the candle-light reflecting in Charlie's dark eyes. "I love you."  
  
"I love you, too." He hesitated, because he didn't want to ruin the night, but if they didn't address it now it would just become more difficult. "I always did. I loved Colby, but I loved you, too. I need you to know that."  
  
"You made a choice," Don said quietly. "I understood that, eventually, and it doesn't matter why you decided to stay with Colby then. I was glad he could make you happy if I couldn't. I thought--I hoped--that deep down maybe you still loved me, too."  
  
"I did. I do. I just--I thought we needed to say that at the beginning." He didn't want Don to feel like a second choice any more than he had wanted Colby to feel that way. He cleared his throat. "To new beginnings?"  
  
Don reached out and ran his fingers lightly through Charlie's hair. "To new beginnings." He leaned forward and kissed Charlie lightly. They talked quietly through dinner about the things they always talked about, trying to forget how significant this was for both of them. When they were done, Don turned to Charlie. "Should we go sit on the couch, finish our drinks more comfortably?"  
  
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," Charlie said, snagging his glass of wine and waiting for Don. They sat close together, but not quite touching, Charlie leaning on the arm of the sofa. He bumped Don's knee affectionately and Don shifted closer, his arm naturally finding its way behind his head across the back of the couch. He threaded his fingers into Charlie's hair and lightly massaged his scalp, gratified to have Charlie's eyes slip closed and get rewarded with a soft grunt of pleasure.  
  
"Feels good," Charlie said.  
  
"Good." Don let his hand work for a while and they sat in comfortable silence. "Have--have you heard from Colby?"  
  
"Yeah, I talked to him the day before yesterday." He frowned. "Or maybe it was the day before that." Once he would have known how many hours, minutes, and seconds ago it had been. Now he wasn't even sure of the day. He smiled. "He's good. Still working things out with his team, you know how it is.  
  
Still seeing Thomas. I think they had a fight of some sort but managed to make up. I think the transfer was good for him," he said quietly. "I still want to visit at some point, but I'd really like it if you'd come with me. Colby's a friend, and I don't want Thomas getting the wrong idea. Or you."  
  
"I'd like that. I'm glad he's doing well," Don said. He'd come to think very highly of Colby over the years he was with Charlie, and he wanted good things for him. "Whenever you want to go out there is fine with me. I can arrange things at work. And... I'm glad you two are still in touch. Colby's important to you. I'd never ask you to give that up."  
  
His hand still massaged Charlie's scalp lightly, occasionally moving down to rub the nape of Charlie's neck.  
  
"You've changed a lot over the last couple of years," Charlie said, moving closer so he could snuggle a little more with Don.  
  
"How do you mean?" Don asked, pressing a kiss into Charlie's curls.  
  
"You're--" he paused, trying to think of a way to say it. "More comfortable with yourself, I think. Really ready to settle down." He turned his head to look at Don.  
  
"I finally found the person I loved more than anything. The love of my life," Don said, leaning down and capturing Charlie's lips passionately. The hand not on Charlie's neck drifted to his knee, resting familiarly there.  
  
Charlie moaned softly and returned the kiss. He stood up and Don opened his mouth to protest until Charlie straddled his lap, his knees on the outside of Don's thighs. "That's better," he murmured. He kissed Don again, and then said, "You know what? I think I may have found the love of my life, too. Handsome guy, same last name."  
  
Don chuckled and pulled Charlie closer, one hand cupping his jaw as his thumb caressed Charlie's cheek. Charlie shivered and nuzzled into the touch. "Makes it complicated, though, doesn't it?"  
  
"Yeah. But worth it." Charlie looked down into those familiar eyes and felt his heart leap. "Most definitely worth it."  
  
Smiling, Don tugged Charlie down into another kiss, his hand rubbing his back, down over his ass, and then up his thigh.  
  
Charlie groaned and ground against Don, just a little. Eventually they'd probably move into the bedroom, but for right now he was content to touch and tease. He let one hand rest on Don's shoulder while the other traveled down his chest in a soft caress.  
  
"God, Charlie..." Don murmured. He shifted down so he could rest his head on the back of the couch and look up into Charlie's face. "I've wanted you for so long, and I never imagined I'd actually get to have you."  
  
Charlie smiled a little wanly. "I know the feeling."  
  
"Yes, I guess you do," Don acknowledged, chuckling. Their lives had taken so many turns in such a relatively short period of time, Don could feel his head swimming. Or maybe that was just the elation of having Charlie there with him. It didn't really matter. "I'm happy."  
  
"So am I," Charlie said, caressing Don's chest again.  
  
Don arched into the touch, bringing their groins into contact and making them both gasp. His fingers caressed the skin near Charlie's shirt collar. "Think we should move this somewhere more comfortable?"  
  
"I could be persuaded," he said, kissing the soft skin behind Don's ear.  
  
"Oh yeah?" Don said, his eyes crinkling as he smiled. "Well, what would I have to do to persuade you?" His hands found Charlie's ass and rested there, kneading the muscles lightly.  
  
"I'm sure you'll think of something," Charlie said, reaching to unbutton Don's shirt.  
  
Don grinned. "Oh, I see how it is," he purred. Tugging Charlie forward, he arched up enough to be able to place kisses to the line of Charlie's throat and move up to behind his ear. He pulled the lobe between his teeth and nibbled before whispering, "You feel so good pressed against me. Can't wait to taste you. Be inside you. Want to feel all of you." His hands caressed Charlie's body wherever they could reach, back and neck and shoulder and thigh and ass and chest, his fingertips just grazing a nipple.  
  
Charlie moaned softly and nibbled on Don's ear. "What makes you think you'll be on top?"  
  
Don shivered and for a fleeting second he wondered if Colby had ever let him--  
  
He yanked his thoughts away. He was fine with Charlie's past relationship with Colby, but he did _not_ need to be thinking about the two of them having sex while he currently had a lapful of lightly grinding, teasing Charlie. "Because you love me and you like to give me the things I want," Don answered, starting to tug Charlie's shirt out of his pants. "And because I know I can make you feel so, so good."  
  
Charlie smiled but then said seriously, "But are you okay if you're not always on top?"  
  
Turning the question over, Don gave it the consideration it needed. "I-I don't know. I've never--I haven't actually slept with a man before."  
  
Charlie looked down at him in surprise. "You said there'd been men before, when you played baseball."  
  
"There were, but it wasn't like that. It was just a way to get off, get rid of the adrenaline after a game. Clubhouse stuff. Not that I didn't _want_ more from a couple of them. I doubt I'd have bottomed for them, anyway," Don said, looking at his hands on Charlie's thighs. "But, I know you'd take good care of me."  
  
"There's no rush," Charlie said quietly. "And I don't want to push you into something you're uncomfortable with." He kissed Don's forehead. "Come on. Show me your bedroom."  
  
Don pulled Charlie in for another fierce kiss. "I may be more comfortable than you might expect," he murmured before pushing gently at Charlie's legs. They stood and Don led him into the bedroom, perhaps a little shyly. He shook his head at himself. It wasn't like Charlie had never slept in that bed before, but this couldn't even compare. Turning on the side lamp, the soft light caressed them both. Standing in front of Charlie, he kissed him again, soft and natural as he started slipping buttons open.  
  
Charlie smiled, trying to curb his impatience to see Don naked. It was Don's first time; he needed to go slow. He kissed Don lightly and let his fingers comb through his brother's short hair.  
  
"Charlie..." Don groaned as he bent his head to kiss at the skin that was slowly being revealed. The tender, soft feeling that had permeated the evening was slowly giving way to raw lust and passion and need. For over three and a half years, the only pleasure Don had was what he could provide himself, and it was catching up with him. "Need you," he murmured, pushing Charlie's shirt off his shoulders. "Need you to touch me."  
  
Charlie gave a soft laugh as his shirt slipped onto the floor. "I've waited so long to hear you say that." He finished unbuttoning Don's shirt, kissing each bit of newly exposed skin until Don's shirt joined his on the floor.  
  
"God," Don moaned, threading his hands into Charlie's hair. "I really need to get you naked," he breathed.  
  
Charlie grinned. "You first." He undid Don's belt and then finally his pants. "God you're--" he didn't have the words. Don was perfect. Beautiful. Better than he'd ever dreamed.  
  
He leaned in and captured Don's mouth in a heated, passionate kiss.  
  
Don relaxed into the kiss, relief flooding him as he'd tried to hold himself open to Charlie's gaze. He hadn't been sure he'd be able to live up to Charlie's expectations. The kiss broke and Don grinned, pulling at Charlie's belt. "Your turn."  
  
Charlie's pants hit the floor and Don's eyes did a slow trip down his body. "Wow," he breathed, pulling Charlie close by the hip. "You are so amazingly beautiful." Their cocks bumped and Don gasped. Claiming Charlie's lips hard, Don backed him to the bed, following him down when he sat reflexively.  
  
Charlie was absurdly pleased and more than a little relieved that Don thought he was beautiful. He had no idea what type of men appealed to Don, all he knew was that he was never going to look as fit as his brother did, even if he did nothing but exercise.  
  
He stretched back on the bed, groaning when Don brought their cocks into alignment again.  
  
Don braced himself over Charlie on his arms, grinning down into his face. An image of the way he thought Charlie might look spread out for Colby flashed across his brain, and he pushed it aside again. That was just a fantasy. And this was real. Charlie was spread out for _him_ now and he leaned down, kissing him possessively. He wrapped a hand around Charlie's cock, stroking him firmly from route to tip.  
  
Charlie moaned loudly, hips bucking up involuntarily. "Don! Feels so good."  
  
He let his own hands wander. He stroked Don's back, along his sides, his chest, let a thumb caresses his left nipple.  
  
"Charlie," Don gasped. "God, you feel amazing. Better than I ever imagined. Want to taste you. Can I?" He kissed Charlie's neck and collarbone.  
  
"Yes. God, please."  
  
Don worked his way down Charlie's body, licking and sucking at his skin, not hard enough to mark. Not yet. He swirled his tongue around a nipple, enjoying the arch of Charlie's body up into him. He made a mental note of it, wanting to track and catalog all the things that made Charlie feel good. Finally, he reached his goal, and he paused. He'd never done this before, but he'd been on the receiving end enough times that he thought he had the basic idea. Glancing up at Charlie, giving him a sultry look, Don lowered his mouth and sucked just the head of Charlie's cock into his wet heat.  
  
Charlie moaned and fought to keep still, aware it was Don's first time and not wanting to startle him with sudden movement.  
  
Don could feel Charlie's muscles practically vibrating under his hands as he licked and teased, carefully taking Charlie in a little deeper. He felt good and almost disturbingly right in his mouth, like Charlie had been made just for him. Charlie moaned and gasped deliciously above him, his hips making small, helpless movements into his mouth. It was everything he thought it would be.  
  
As Charlie started to moan his name, getting increasingly lost in the pleasure Don's mouth was creating, Don allowed Charlie to slip from his lips and he slid back up the bed, claiming Charlie's mouth in a deep kiss.  
  
Charlie moaned again, his body arching into Don's.  
  
"You're so responsive," Don murmured, stroking Charlie's cheek. "I love that. All the little things you do." He kissed Charlie again. "What about you? Do you want a taste?"  
  
"Oh yes," Charlie said, voice low and husky. He rolled them so that Don was laying on the bed and slowly, slowly made his way down Don's body, kissing and licking and teasing and caressing, occasionally revisiting a spot that he could tell gave Don extra pleasure.  
  
"Fuck, Charlie," Don moaned, his hands finding their way to Charlie's hair. "God, yes."  
  
Charlie grinned and finally rapidly licked the head of Don's cock two, three times before swallowing him down and proving he was something of an expert at this particular activity.  
  
Sucking in a sharp breath, Don fought not to buck or arch into Charlie's hot, talented mouth. This was _way_ better than anything he'd had to date, and he tried to focus on the little things that Charlie did to send electric shocks shooting up his spine. But soon, he was far too lost to pleasure to be able to do anything like concentrate.  
  
"Charlie, Charlie..." he moaned. God, it had been so long since he'd felt like this, had someone do this for him. He tugged on Charlie's arm. "Fuck, Charlie. Stop. Gonna--God!--gonna come if you keep that up."  
  
Charlie grinned and slid up Don's body. "Bet even if you came we could get you interested again."  
  
Don huffed a laugh as he concentrated on backing his body down again. He ran his fingers through Charlie's hair. "Probably, but this time, I don't want to come until I'm buried deep inside you."  
  
"Well in that case," Charlie grinned and kissed him again.  
  
Wrapping his arms tight around Charlie, Don rolled him under his body again, kissing him more forcefully. The want and need that had been building in him was starting to get the better of him. He bent Charlie's leg back and teased his cleft with dry fingers. "Want you."  
  
"Yes, Don," Charlie said, wrapping his hands around Don's biceps. "Have me."  
  
"Like this or...?"  
  
Charlie smiled. "Like this. I want to see you."  
  
"I won't--hurt you?" Don frowned.  
  
"I promise you won't. And if you start to, I'll tell you." Charlie stroked Don's arms, soothing him. He knew the first time had to be overwhelming, not least of all for how significant it was for both of them.  
  
"Okay," Don nodded. He reached into his nightstand for the lube he used for his own purposes and Charlie smiled approvingly.  
  
"Glad you're prepared," he smiled, dropping Don a wink.  
  
Don smiled, but didn't return the banter, instead concentrating on slicking his fingers enough. "You promise you'll tell me if I hurt you?"  
  
"I swear."  
  
Nodding, Don slipped the first finger inside.  
  
Charlie let himself adjust, consciously making an effort to tell Don how good it felt, to let him know that he was okay.  
  
Moving deliberately, Don progressed from one finger to two, and finally to three. The low sounds of pleasure and need Charlie made were encouraging and sent lust screaming through Don's veins. But before he sank himself into Charlie's body, there was one more thing he wanted to do. Probing gently, he found the small bundle of nerves deep inside him and stroked the spot over and over.  
  
"Fuck!" Charlie cried out and gripped Don's arm so hard he was sure he'd be leaving a mark. "Don! Don, oh God!"  
  
"Holy fuck," Don breathed, gawking as Charlie writhed against the mattress, his neck arched back and sweat breaking out on his skin. He lowered his mouth and licked the salt away as he prodded again at that delicious spot in Charlie's body one more time. "God, you are so amazing," he said, gently withdrawing his fingers at last and shifting so he could slick his cock.  
  
Charlie's face was flushed and his eyes bright, but he managed to focus on Don as he nudged at his entrance and then slowly, oh so excruciatingly slowly, slid inside. He gasped and closed his eyes, letting go and concentrating on the sensation of Don all around him.  
  
Moaning, Don's mouth dropped open as he was surrounded in impossible heat and tightness. "Charlie," he gasped, shifting experimentally.  
  
Charlie moaned, legs fastening around Don. "Don. Feels--" he moaned and dragged Don down for a kiss.  
  
They kissed and kissed for what seemed like an eternity as Don let the sensations of Charlie consume him. He shifted and found a rhythm, pushing into Charlie with steady practiced strokes at first, but he was so close already that he was sure he wasn't going to last much longer. Wrapping a hand around Charlie's cock, he stroked and squeezed as his thrusts became more urgent and erratic until at last, crying out Charlie's name in ecstasy and triumph, he came.  
  
Charlie followed soon after, crying Don's name joyfully, helplessly.  
  
It took Don a moment to be able to focus on Charlie as his breathing slowed and his heart-rate returned to normal. He felt buzzed on endorphins, and he grinned at Charlie as he gently slipped from his body. Rolling onto his back, he tugged Charlie close and ran a hand through his sweaty curls.  
  
"That was--" He paused, searching his brain for the right word. "That was astounding. You're incredible." He placed a soft kiss on Charlie's lips.  
  
"So are you." Charlie grinned and kissed Don again. "So you're really okay then? Being with a guy?"  
  
"Yeah, I think so," Don said, grinning widely at Charlie. "Though, I think I may need some more... what's it called? Empirical evidence, just to be sure." He kissed Charlie deeply, stroking a hand down his side.  
  
Charlie shivered. "Right now?"  
  
"Well, maybe not _right_ this second. But soon. And many, many times thereafter." He picked up Charlie's hand and kissed his fingers. "I know it's not going to be easy on either of us. But I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Can we do that?"  
  
"Yes," Charlie whispered, eyes bright. He gave Don another kiss, fierce and passionate and joyful. "Yes."  
  
"Good," Don said, returning Charlie's kiss in kind. "I love you. I love you so very much."  
  
"I love you, too, Don," Charlie said. He stroked Don's cheek with the back of his hand. "And I'm yours. Always."  
  
Turning his head, Don kissed the inside of Charlie's wrist. "Yours. All yours."  
  
Charlie shivered and Don's cock gave an interested twitch. Tugging gently, Don got Charlie situated so he was straddling his thighs, their cocks just touching. They made love long into the night, making up for lost time, soothing and healing their souls after taking such a long journey to find each other.  
  
When they were finally satiated and exhausted, Don nestled Charlie against his side, Charlie's head on his chest--exactly where he belonged.


End file.
